Day Brightener – Words Of Wisdom And Something For Everyone

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.  Wisdom is not using it in a fruit salad.
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog – “No good in a bed but fine against the wall”.- Eleanor Roosevelt

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Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, “Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.” – Lillian Carter (Mother of Jimmy Carter)

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Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. – Mark Twain

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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending and to have the two as close together as possible – George Burns

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Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. – Victor Borge

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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. – Mark Twain

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By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. – Socrates

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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. – Groucho Marx

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My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. – Jimmy Durante

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I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. – Zsa Zsa Gabor

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Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. – Alex Levine

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My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. – Rodney Dangerfield

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Money can’t buy you happiness … But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. – Spike Milligan

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Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP. – Joe Namath

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I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap. – Bob Hope

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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.. – W. C. Fields

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We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. – Will Rogers

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Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. – Winston Churchill

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Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. – Phyllis Diller

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By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere. – Billy Crystal

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And the cardiologist’ s diet: – If it tastes good spit it out.

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May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and may nothing but happiness come through your door.

 

 

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