SIMPLE TRUTH 1:
Lovers help each other undress before sex.
However, after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story — In life, no one helps you once you’re screwed.
SIMPLE TRUTH 2:
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, “Congrats.”
But, none of them comes up to the man – touch his penis and say, “Good job.”
Moral of the story — Hard work is rarely appreciated.
FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:
- Money cannot buy happiness – but it’s far more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle.
- Forgive your enemy – but remember the asshole’s name.
- If you help someone when they’re in trouble – they will remember you when they’re in trouble again.
- Alcohol does not solve any problems – but then, neither does milk.
- Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.
Condoms do not guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.
I think Congressmen should wear uniforms. You know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could identify their corporate sponsors!