“To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except exercise, get up early, or be respectable.” – Oscar Wilde 

“The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.” – Will Rogers 

“We must recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary.” – C.S. Lewis 

“Old age comes at a bad time.” – San Banducci 

“Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.” – Jennifer Yane

“Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it.” – Golda Meir 

“I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued.” – Bill Dane 

“The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened.” – Mark Twain 

“Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself.” – Tom Wilson 

“Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home.”- Phyllis Diller 

“I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.” – Rita Rudner 

“I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do.” – Phyllis Diller 

“Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere.” – George Burns 

 “First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down.” – Leo Rosenberg 

“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben 

“I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed.” – Unknown 

 “As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” – Sir Norman Wisdom 

“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” – Andy Rooney

“I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam.” – George Carlin 

“I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.” – Bob Hope 

“I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?”- Barry Cryer 

“All men are the same age.” – Dorothy Parker 

“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only must remember it.” – George Burns 

“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier 

“Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth.” – Conan O’Brien

“I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to.” – Albert Einstein 

“Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does.” – J. Norman Collie 

“You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.” – Hy Gardner 

“When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old.” – Mark Twain 

“You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.” – Joel Plaskett 

 “I’ve never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else.” —Josh Billings 

“Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.” – George Burns 

“The idea is to die young as late as possible.” – Ashley Montagu 

“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” – George Burns 

“People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday.

I tell them, a paternity suit.” – George Burns 

“Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.” – Anonymous