Thanks to Tom for today’s post. I think it was Art linkletter that said “Kids Say The Darndest Things” and later there was a TV show with Bill Cosby. The items below prove the point.

1. This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight, testicles. (Kelly, age 6 )
2. Oysters’ balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)
3. If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don’t, have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Mike, age 7)
4. Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson . She’s not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)
5. A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)
6. My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and
   pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)
7. When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross
   the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn’t blow the sailors would
   whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been
   better off eating beans. (William, age 7)
8. Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful
   and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get
   pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)
9. I’m not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always
   crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got
   pregnant, so I can’t think what to write. (Amy, age 6)
10. Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can
    give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I
    think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age
    7)
11. When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes
    my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)
12. Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers
    can’t go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky,
    age 8)
13. On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was
    going very fast. She says she won’t do it again because water fired
    right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)
14. The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don’t drown
    I don’t know. (Bobby, age 6)
15. My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean.
    What he doesn’t know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.
    (James, age 7)

A little over a year ago I wrote about my new Belkin keyboard case for my iPad and have used it more than a little over that time. However it did have one shortcoming – I could not use it on my lap. Well, Belkin to the rescue. My new Belkin keyboard case sits comfortably on my lap – I am using it to compose this post while sitting in reclining chair. Belkin did not stop with that one change. The new keyboard case is lighter, thinner and has superior battery life – 1,900 hours usage and 4,300 standby hours. There are also some convenience feature not found on the earlier version. Opening the keyboard case turns the iPad on and closing turns it off. The keyboard is “smart” and activates when needed and does not have an on/off switch. The keyboard base is constructed of an airplane grade aluminum alloy providing a solid base. The keyboard itself is marginally smaller than the earlier version but even with my less than dainty fingers touch typing is no problem. When using the iPad for reading or other activity that does not require a keyboard the keyboard portion folds away nicely. Particularly if you sometimes use your iPad as a notebook computer replacement a keyboard is, in my mind, a necessity and find a keyboard case a better solution than a separate keyboard.

I purchased mine directly from Belkin but it is also available from a number of retailers. You can purchase the keyboard case or find a retailer list on the Belkin website at http://www.belkin.com/us/F5L149-Belkin/p/P-F5L149. An interesting change since I purchased mine – at that time the Black model was $99.99 and the Silver model at $129.99. Now both are $129.99. Belkin also offers free ground shipping and at least in my case no sales tax. There are other keyboard cases that allow typing on your lap from Zagg, Logitech and Adonit’s but the Belkin is the only one that offers three different screen angles.

We all know how handy those pockets in our jeans are and how much we would miss them.  Well, now there is a Pocket for your computer. Pocket is an add-in for Google Chrome, Safari and Internet Explorer and is just as handy as those pockets in your jeans. Some of you may have encountered Pocket under it’s previous name – Read It Later. How many times have you found a web page that you would like to read later or one that has some detailed information that you would like to retain. With Pocket installed all one has to do is click the Pocket icon in the upper bar and “presto” the page is saved to your Pocket account and it will stay there until you throw it away. Pocket also allows one to select articles from some 300 different applications and services. Some are Flipboard, Twitter and Pulse.  I am using Pocket on my MacBook Air, iMac, iPad and iPhone as as all use the same database anything saved to Pocket is available on any device. Highly recommended!

A Honda mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Honda vehicle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage,”Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?” The cardiologist, a bit surprised with the mechanic’s suggestion, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the Honda’s engine. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, “So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new.

So how is it that I make $54,000 a year and you make $1.5M when you and I are doing basically the same work? The cardiologist paused, leaned over, and then whispered to the mechanic….

“Try doing it with the engine running.”

Every time I hear or see in the media that we should close loopholes in corporate tax regulations or that businesses should pay more, usually from a politician or special interest group, I just shake my head and wonder why most cannot comprehend the basic fact that businesses do not pay taxes they collect taxes. Think about it, those taxes that businesses pay, and the horrendous cost of complying with our incomprehensible tax code, are just another cost to a business and that cost is figured into the price consumers – thats you and me – pay for the product. So when one level of government or another raises taxes on business they just increase the price.

To a politician it is much easier to raise taxes on business because most do not make the connection that the tax increase is actually on their constituents and voters. It makes good press – tax the big bad corporations and not individuals – but the end effect is that you and I pay those taxes when we purchase a product. And the business dutifully passes those tax dollars on to the government. Wow – thats pretty slick! So our businesses are another arm of the IRS. As we assess our tax burden we need to include those taxes paid by businesses.

Walking through the gates of Augusta National Golf Club, and by the way your badge is scanned, one first sees the practice area and range on the left. Perfectly green mowed grass and the really white sand in the practice bunkers. Having attended both US Opens and PGA Championships as I walked on to Augusta I was struck by the palpable difference between those major championships and The Masters. For starters you are struck by the absence of any corporate, or any other kind for that matter, tents. All you see is golf course and the buildings necessary to host an event of this magnitude, and those are painted a dark green to make them as unobtrusive as possible, the clubhouse and a few other tasteful white buildings.

At other major championships, or regular tour events for that matter, the photographers are inside the ropes and particularly as the leaders or high profile players reach a point they swarm around the green and make it nearly impossible for the fans waiting there to see anything. Not at the Masters – the photographers are outside the ropes. The only ones inside the ropes are the players, caddies, a few rules officials and sometimes a TV cameraman out in the fairway. Another difference, and in this case something I missed, there are no sign bearers with each group detailing that group’s players standing vs. par.

Those of you that have been to any Disney facility know that they are noted for their regimented line standing. Well, I know where they got the idea, it was at the Masters! One might argue the other way around but the Masters has been around longer than Disney. Standing in line is necessary for most everything, the concession stands, the restrooms, the merchandise building and it is regimented. In many cases there will be someone standing with a sign letting you know how much time is left from that point. In the men’s restrooms, I did not do any research in the women’s, there are people directing traffic along and as you reach the top of the line. Also, and this is a mind blower, after each use of one of the regular toilettes someone actually cleans and disinfects the seat!

Television cannot convey the majesty, scale or conditioning of the Augusta Golf Course. On television one does not get any sense for the elevation changes on the course and they are substantial. I walked up the hill to the ninth green a couple of times and had no wonder why Craig Stadler and some others took it slowly. Similarly, there is a large, hundreds of yards across, open area in the middle of the course. Of course, that area is as perfectly maintained as the rest of the grounds. As one looks at the fairways it appears as if no one has ever played golf there, it is that perfect. Augusta is known for its lack of rough and for all practical purposes there is none – what would be called rough is about one-half inch longer than the tight fairways.

Food at Augusta is cheap! The famed Pimento Cheese sandwich, I had one – it is a must – is $1.50. Sodas are $1.50, beer is $3.00, $4.00 if you want imported, a chicken wrap is $3.00 and snacks are $1.00. The items in the merchandise building tend to make up for it but after all it is the Masters at Augusta!

Enough about the plumbing. How about the experience? I think that CBS uses a line something like “The Masters a place like no other” and that is an apt description. And they intend to keep it that way. CBS is I think it’s 40th something one year contract to televise the tournament – no multi-year contracts here – its our way or the highway. We can all remember Gary McCord. It has been said that Augusta marches to it’s own drummer and that is what makes this place and event so special. No big electronic scoreboards here – they do it the old fashioned way with people on tall ladders and plastic numbers that change constantly. It is difficult in words to explain how special this place is and how one feels that while on the grounds but hopefully I have provided at least a glimpse.

The outside world however is a mess. The course is in the middle of Augusta and the traffic is terrible. We were staying less than a mile from the entrance but as we left the course the only way the police would let us go sent us on a journey that was something over ten miles – that’s right over ten miles to accomplish a less than one mile trip. And you are going to walk. Parking as one might expect is hard to find and not generally close to your destination. For those of you from Minnesota who have attended the State Fair will be familiar with people renting out their front yards for parking. If you are planning to attend the Masters and have not done so be advised to secure lodging NOW and expect to pay through the nose no matter what level of accommodations you can find. We talked with people who were staying in Columbia South Carolina – over 73 miles away and that was the best they could do.

As we watch Professional Golf Tournaments on television we hear the announcers talk about slow play but until you actually see it in action it can be hard to comprehend. With TV we are almost always watching action as they move between holes. However, when you are on one hole watching the players come through – we were set-up at the ninth green and am here to tell you these guys are SLOW! Try two and one-half hours to two hours forty minutes to cover the front nine. I guess four hours for 18 holes is not so bad.

Would I go again? In a heartbeat. Even with the traffic snarls, overpriced accommodations and other hassles the Masters is truly a place like no other.

John had been a resident of Texas all of his life and was proud of being from the largest state in the United States. Then Alaska was admitted and Texas was no longer the largest state. To make matters worse someone told John that if Alaska was divided in half Texas would be the third largest state. That did it – John could not stand it any longer he had to be a resident of the largest state. He hopped in his Lear Jet and off to Anchorage Alaska. Once in Anchorage John headed for the first bar. He asked the bartender how one became an Alaska resident. The bartender replied that one must do three things; Chug a quart of whiskey, kill a grizzly bear and make love to an Eskimo woman.

John asked the bartender for the quart of Jim Beam, chugged it down and out the door he went. Ten days later John returned to the bar. His clothes were torn an he was scarred up. He approached the bartender and asked; “Now where is that Eskimo woman I have to kill?”

We had a family gathering last week on Kiawah Island and had the opportunity to play four different golf courses. Kiawah is known for the Ocean Course but in my rating it is no better than the third best course there. I will expand on that a little later. Now low country golf presents different challenges than we are used to here in Arizona, or in Minnesota for that matter. Given that this is in the Low Country it should surprise no one that water is in play both strategically and often. Also, especially in one case, I got up close and personal with some of the locals including this guy.

My ball came to rest less than 15 feet from him and while I did not take the time to measure him he was somewhere between eight and ten feet. Needless to say it did not take long to hit the shot and exit stage left. This fellow was not the only alligator around the courses during the week – there were many.

We arrived on Saturday but both Sunday and Monday were rainy and windy so no golf. On Tuesday we played Turtle Point an early Jack Nicklaus design. This is a very nice course and the easiest one that we played even though my score did not bear that out. From the Nicklaus tees the course measures 6,210 yards with a rating of 69.2 and a slope of 123. The fact that it was rather cool, maybe cold, and windy may have figured in to my lack of scoring prowess. Liked the course and will certainly play it again on my next trip to Kiawah.

Wednesday we played The River course one of the two private courses on Kiawah. Tom Fazio designed the course and I probably do not need to say much more. From the Kiawah tees – 6,246 yards – the course rating is 72.2 and the slope is 139. From the back the slope is 150! Generally the driving areas are generous but the approach shots are demanding – miss by five feet and you can be in trouble. The River Course is in my humble, or unhumble as the case may be, opinion by far the best course on Kiawah or in many other places. My comment was that I could play this course every day the rest of my life and die a happy man. Actually played this course much better than the less demanding Turtle Point.

Thursday we moved to Cassique the other private course that is a sharp contrast to the more tree-lined River Course. This Tom Watson design shows Tom’s affection for British Isles courses. A links layout with a rating of 71.5 and a slope of 137 again from the Kiawah tees at 6,146 yards. While the caddie we had on the River Course was a rookie and not much help our caddie on Cassique was top notch and invaluable. Knowing where to hit the ball is critical on Cassique as you cannot always see how the hole plays from the tee. Further some of the putts you would never see. For instance, I had one putt from about 15 feet above the hole and DOWNHILL. The caddie told me to putt it 90 degrees from the hole and only hit it about five feet, I didn’t make the putt but had a less than one-foot tap in. Left to my own devices I would have missed the hole by eight or ten feet! Both Cassique and the River Course are part of the private Kiawah Island Club. We had access to the Kiawah Island Club as my Son-In-Law has a Sports Club membership. I do not know what the reciprocal approach is at the Kiawah Island Club but if you are in the area try to play both courses.

Friday we moved to the Ocean Course. This Pete Dye design has hosted the Ryder Cup and both PGA and Senior PGA Championships. As the name implies the course plays along the Atlantic Ocean. From the Kiawah Tees at 6,202 yards the rating is 70.9 and the slope is 132. This was the fourth time I played the Ocean Course and was probably my last. The course while it is difficult is imminently playable but in my mind does not measure up to either The River or Cassique. Green fees are another matter – rack rate is $353.00 and the Kiawah Island owner’s rate is discounted? to $321.00. Enjoyed the round but I have the Ocean Course in the “Been There Done That” category.

On previous trips I played the Osprey Point, another Tom Fazio course and Oak Point Clubs. Oak Point did not impress me but I did really liked Osprey Point.

Those of you that have been to Charleston and the South Carolina Low Country know all about the wonderful dining and the resulting food comas but that is a subject for another post.

As you have probably surmised I am a fan of Kiawah Island golf and look forward to my return trip.