Day Brightener – The Golf Ball And The Sand Wedge

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.  Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom closet.  

Then the woman’s husband also comes home.   She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. 

The little boy says, ‘Dark in here.’ 

The man says, ‘Yes, it is.’ 

Boy – ‘I have a golf ball.’ 

Man – ‘That’s nice.’ 

Boy – ‘Want to buy it?’ 

Man – ‘No, thanks.’  

Boy – ‘My dad’s outside.’ 

Man – ‘OK, how much?’ 

Boy – ‘$250’ 

A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together. 

Boy – ‘Dark in here.’ 

Man – ‘Yes, it is.’ 

Boy – ‘I have sand wedge.’ 

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, ‘How much?’ 

Boy – ‘$750’ 

Man – ‘Sold..’ 

A few days later, the boy’s father says to the boy, ‘Grab your sand wedge and golf ball, let’s go outside and have some short game practice.   The boy says, ‘I can’t, I sold my ball and sand wedge dad.’

The father says, ‘What?!   How much did you sell them for?’ 

Boy – ‘$1,000.’ 

The father says, ‘That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that.   That is far more than those two things cost.   I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.’ 

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. 

The boy says, ‘Dark in here.’

The priest says, ‘Don’t start that shit with me again.  “You’re in my closet now!’

Day Brightener – Happy St. Patrick’s Day – A Little Late But Good

For the Irish In All of Us……

While on vacation in Rome, I noticed a marble column in St. Peter’s with a golden telephone on it.  As a young priest passed by, I asked who the telephone was for.  The priest told me it was a direct line to Heaven, and if I’d like to call, it would be a thousand dollars.  I was amazed but declined the offer.

Throughout Italy, I kept seeing the same golden telephone on a marble column.  At each, I asked about it and the answer was always the same: It was a direct line to Heaven and I could call for a thousand dollars.

Then – I finished my tour in Ireland.  I decided to attend Mass at a local village church.  When I walked in the door I noticed the golden telephone. Underneath it there was a sign stating: “DIRECT LINE TO HEAVEN: 25 cents.”  “Father,” I said, “I have been all over Italy and in all the cathedrals I visited, I’ve seen telephones exactly like this one.  But the price is always a thousand dollars.  Why is it that this one is only 25 cents?”

The priest smiled and said, “My good man, you’re in Ireland now.  It’s a local call.”


Friday Frivolity – Walmart Job Interview

Jennifer a manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of 20 resumes she found four people who were equally qualified. Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, ‘What is the fastest thing you know of?’

The first man replied, ‘A THOUGHT.’ It just pops into your head. There’s no warning.

‘That’s very good!’ replied Jennifer. ‘And now you sir?’, she asked the second man.

‘Hmmm…..let me see ‘A blink! It comes and goes, and you don’t know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.’

‘Excellent!’ said Jennifer. ‘The blink of an eye, that’s a very popular cliché for speed.’ She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.

‘Well, out at my dad’s ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there’s a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. ‘Yip, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of’.

Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man. ‘It’s hard to beat the speed of light,’ she said.

Turning to Bubba, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.

Old Bubba replied, ‘After hearing the previous three answers, it’s obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.’

‘WHAT!?’ said Jennifer, stunned by the response…

‘Oh sure’, said BUBBA. ‘You see, the other day I wasn’t feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit my pants.’

BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!

You probably will think of this every time you enter a Wal-Mart from now on.

A Real Day Brightener – The Lone Ranger And Glen Campbell

As most of you know, I rarely post videos. The YouTube video at the end of this post rises well above the ordinary, especially for those of us that grew up with both the Lone Ranger and Glen Campbell.

The Lone Ranger Rides Again!…

For most of the 1960s, Glen Campbell’s brilliant guitar playing was known only by a select few top recording studios and artists. Long before Glen became known nationally as an outstanding vocalist, actor and TV personality, he was one of the most in-demand recording studio guitarists in the world. He could have earned a 7-figure annual income as a high-end, asked-for studio guitarist for years on end if that had been all he cared to do.

How good was he? The Lone Ranger knows! You will enjoy. Take a look at this video, one you may have never seen before. “Hi Yo,Silver, Away!” It doesn’t get much better than this. “The William Tell Overture” by Gioacchino Rossini.To

Many of us grew up watching the Lone Ranger and Tonto on black and white television. Years later, many of us watched the Glen Campbell show on TV as well. This video is a clip of a younger Glen Campbell playing the William Tell Overture (with symphony orchestra) and dedicating it to Clayton Moore, who played the Lone Ranger and Jay Silverheels, who played Tonto. You may never have seen Glen play like this before. This is world-class guitar playing and Campbell makes it look easy; note he is playing a 12 string! The sounds of Glen Campbell on guitar and the symphony orchestra playing Rossini’s “William Tell Overture” will take you back to those golden days of yesteryear, when the strains of Rossini’s masterpiece coming over the radio meant the Lone Ranger show was about to begin.

Here is the link to the Youtube video –

To view the video, Click Here.

Day Brightener – Sex After Death?

cementryA couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life after death at all.

After a long life together, Frank was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact: “Kris, Kris, can you hear me?”

“Is that you, Frank?”

“Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.”

“That’s wonderful! What’s it like?”

“Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it’s off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (and Kris, you’d be proud — lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it’s back to the golf course again.

Then it’s more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again”.

“Oh, Frank! Are you in Heaven?”

“No — I’m a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona.”

Day Brightener – Important! Jeff Stops At Police Station.

Jeff speaking to police sergeant:  My wife is missing. She went out yesterday and has not come home.

Sergeant at Police Station: What is her height?

Jeff: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant: Weight?

Jeff: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant: color of eyes?

Jeff: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

Sergeant: Color of hair?

Jeff: Changes a couple times a year.

Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.

Sergeant: What was she wearing?

Jeff: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don’t know exactly.

Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?

Jeff: She went in my Car

Sergeant: What kind of Car?

Jeff:  BMW, can’t remember what model. It’s blue.

Sergeant: Was there anything of value in the car?

Jeff: (sobbing)

Yes, my golf clubs!

Titleist TS3 9 degree driver with Tensei Orange TX flex CK60 with 74  Tungsten Prepreg shaft

Titleist TS3 15-degree Fairway wood with Hzrdus 6.5x 76g shaft

Titleist 3-4 718 TMB irons with Nippon modus 120 x shafts

Titleist 718 AP2 irons 5-50deg with Nippon modus 120 x shafts

Titleist Vokey Sm8 52,56- & 60-degree wedges

Scotty Cameron Newport 2.5 35-inch putter with Superstroke Pistol GT Tour Skull grip

Titleist mid Staff bag

Nikon range finder

12 pro V1s golf balls

3 Titleist player’s Golf gloves

Titleist towel

Alignment sticks and Stitch leather cover.

Dubai Hills by Jumeirah bag tag.

(At this point, the sobbing has turned into a full cry.)

Sergeant: Don’t worry pal. We’ll find your golf clubs.

Day Brightener – Shopping at Tiffany’s

A lady walks into Tiffany’s. She looks around, spots a beautiful Diamond bracelet, and walks over to inspect it.

As she bends over to more closely inspect it, she farts. Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little whoops and prays that a salesperson was not anywhere near.

As she turns around her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.

Good looking as well as “cool as a cucumber” he displays all of what you would expect of a professional in a store like Tiffany’s. He politely greets the lady with “Good day, Madam. How may we help you today???”

Blushing and uncomfortable but still hopeful the salesman missed her “incident”, she asks

“Sir, what is the price of the lovely bracelet?”

He answers “Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you’re going to shit in your pants when I tell you the price!”