Day Brightener – Mostly Oldies But They Still Make Me Laugh

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.

2. To me, “drink responsibly” means do not spill it. .

3 Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.

4. It is the start of a brand-new day, and I am off like a herd of turtles.

5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

6. When I say, “The other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.

8. I had my patience tested. I am negative.

9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that does not fit any of your containers.

10. If you are sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, “Did you bring the money?”

11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say “nothing,” it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.

12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.

13. I run like the winded.

14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and do not know whose side I am on.

15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why, what did you hear?”

16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?

17. I do not mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.

18. When I ask for directions, please do not use words like “east.”

19. Do not bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That will freak you right out.

20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.

21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.   

Day Brightener – A Really Good Way To Start The Week – We Are Called The Elderly

But that quiet label hides something most people rarely stop to
consider. We are the last living witnesses of a world that no longer
exists.

Look at us and you might see grey hair, slower steps, and the patience
that time teaches.


But listen to our story — really listen — and you’ll realize something
extraordinary.

We are the only generation in human history to have lived a fully
analog childhood and a fully digital adulthood.

That’s not a small thing. That’s one of the most breathtaking journeys
a human being has ever been asked to make.

We were born in the 1940s, 50s, and early 60s, into a world still
rebuilding from the rubble of World War II.

Our toys were marbles and hopscotch and card games at kitchen tables.
When the streetlights flickered on, that was it — childhood adventures
were over, and it was time to go home. No smartphones. No streaming.
No endless scroll.

We built our memories in the real world. With scraped knees and
laughter echoing down streets and friendships formed face to face.

In 1969, we sat in living rooms staring at black-and-white televisions
as Neil Armstrong took humanity’s first steps on the Moon. Hundreds of
thousands of us stood in muddy fields at Woodstock ’99 believing —
really believing — that music and community could reshape the future.

We fell in love to vinyl records spinning on turntables. We waited
days, sometimes weeks, for handwritten letters to arrive. We learned
patience because information did not come instantly. Mistakes were
fixed with erasers — not a delete button.

Then the world transformed.

Machines that once filled entire rooms shrank to devices lighter than
a paperback. We went from rotary phones and party lines to seeing the
face of someone we love on the other side of the ocean — instantly, on
something that fits in a pocket.

We watched the birth of the personal computer. The arrival of the
internet. The smartphone. Artificial intelligence.

And through every single shift — we adapted.

Not because it was easy. Because that is what our generation does.

We also carry the weight of history in our bodies.

We grew up afraid of polio and tuberculosis. We watched science defeat
them. We witnessed the discovery of the structure of DNA, the decoding
of the human genome, the transformation of medicine itself. We
survived pandemics across decades — and kept going.

Few generations have been asked to absorb so much change in a single lifetime.

And through all of it, certain things never changed.

We still know the joy of a cold glass of lemonade (or maybe a cold
beer) on a hot afternoon. The taste of vegetables picked straight from
a garden. The value of a long conversation that unfolds slowly,
without a screen interrupting it.

We have celebrated births and mourned losses. Carried the stories of
friends who are gone. Watched the world become something our younger selves couldn’t have imagined — and found ways to belong in it anyway.
We are not relics.

We are living bridges between two entirely different worlds.

Our memory carries something the modern world needs — proof that
progress doesn’t have to erase wisdom. That speed does not have to
replace patience, kindness, or reflection.

So when someone calls us elderly, we can smile.

Because behind that word is something remarkable.

We crossed two centuries. Witnessed eight decades of transformation.
Walked from handwritten letters to artificial intelligence — and never
lost our sense of what actually matters.

We are called “the elderly.” 

Real Day Brightener – 11 Gen. George Patton Quotes That Show His Strategic Awesomeness. BTW, My All-time Favorite General

Gen. George S. Patton was a complicated military figure, but there can be little debate over whether he was quotable.

Perhaps most famous for his commanding of the 7th Army during World War II, Old “Blood and Guts” often gave rousing speeches to motivate, inspire and educate his soldiers. We collected 11 of his most famous quotes (courtesy of his estate’s official website) that show how larger than life he really was.

1. ‘A Pint of Sweat Will Save a Gallon of Blood’

Soldiers are not good on the battlefield without training hard beforehand. Whether it’s a soldier, a civilian wanting to run a marathon or a CEO running a company, being successful at what you do requires focus, effort and learning.

For soldiers especially, working extra hard in training can save their lives later.

2. ‘A Good Plan, Violently Executed Now, Is Better Than a Perfect Plan Next Week’

Known for his brilliance on the battlefield, Patton often had to make decisions based on limited information and time. But he knew to avoid “paralysis by analysis,” make a decision, and execute it the best he could. Otherwise, the enemy might maneuver faster and beat him.

3. ‘Lead Me, Follow Me, or Get Out of My Way’

Perhaps one of the most famous quotes that people don’t realize originated with Patton, this mantra summed up his style.

4. ‘Do Everything You Ask of Those You Command’

Patton led his soldiers by example. While he’s best known for commanding troops during World War II and perfecting the art of tank warfare, his troops knew he was more than willing to personally get into the fight. During World War I, for example, Patton was shot in the leg while directing tanks, after he repeatedly exposed himself to enemy fire.

5. ‘Say What You Mean, and Mean What You Say’

Patton didn’t mince words. Shortly after the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor on Dec. 7, 1941, he began giving his now-famous “blood and guts” speeches at Fort Benning, Georgia. They were often profane, but direct.

“This individual heroic stuff is pure horse shit,” he told troops June 5, 1944, before D-Day. “The bilious bastards who write that kind of stuff for the Saturday Evening Post don’t know any more about real fighting under fire than they know about f–king!”

6. ‘Many Soldiers Are Led to Faulty Ideas of War by Knowing Too Much About Too Little’

The general didn’t sugarcoat what combat would be like for his soldiers. While movies and books tend to glorify war, Patton gave speeches to his men in which he explained exactly what they faced:

“You are not all going to die. Only 2% of you right here today would die in a major battle. Death must not be feared. Death, in time, comes to all men. Yes, every man is scared in his first battle. If he says he’s not, he’s a liar. Some men are cowards, but they fight the same as the brave men, or they get the hell slammed out of them, watching men fight who are just as scared as they are. The real hero is the man who fights even though he is scared.”

7. ‘Never Tell People How to Do Things. Tell Them What to Do, and They Will Surprise You With Their Ingenuity’

People hate to be micromanaged. A good leader, as Patton knew, tells his or her subordinates what is expected or what the overall goal is. They don’t need to give a step-by-step explanation. It’s a waste of a leader’s time, and worse, most people resent it.

8. ‘If Everybody Is Thinking Alike, Then Somebody Isn’t Thinking’

Good leaders don’t want to hear from “yes men.” They encourage healthy debate, talking over strategy, and planning out different options. Patton may have been a brilliant tactician on the battlefield, but he was also human. If one of his subordinates noticed something wasn’t working or had a better idea, according to this quote, he’d be interested to hear what it was.

9. ‘Do More Than Is Required of You’

The bare minimum amount of work didn’t cut it for Patton. “An Army is a team. It lives, sleeps, eats and fights as a team. This individual heroic stuff is pure horse sh–,” he said.

He wanted his men to think about what more they could do for the greater good of the unit, instead of only thinking about themselves. This quote can certainly apply to organizations outside the military.

10. ‘Moral Courage Is the Most Valuable and Usually the Most Absent Characteristic in Men’

Good leaders encourage their subordinates to always act with integrity, even when it’s not the most popular thing to do. Moral courage is all about doing the right thing, even if that decision may result in adverse consequences. Patton understood the value in this, along with the reason why most people didn’t have it.

11. ‘I Am a Soldier, I Fight Where I Am Told, and I Win Where I Fight.’

Having served the U.S. Army for 36 years, Patton was a career soldier who served as an example for his troops. He believed in his country, his mission and winning the battles he was tasked with. He also knew very well how to motivate his troops to fight with him:

“We’re not going to just shoot the sons of bitches. We’re going to rip out their living goddamned guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks.”

 

Day Brightener – Some Old, Some New, But All Funny Or In The Case Of The First One, Only A Dream


I was in the six-item express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. 


Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, “So which six items would you like to buy?” 
(Wouldn’t it be great if that really happened) 

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Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45 minute wait for a table.

Young man, we are both 90 years old,” the husband said. “We may not have 45 minutes.” They were seated immediately. 
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The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would “hate” to have to make a living under the laws they have just passed. 
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All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom. The bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. 
The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly.  As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card. 
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Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. 
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Three friends from the local congregation were asked, “When you’re in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?” 

Artie said, “I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man.” 
  
Eugene commented, “I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people’s lives.” 
  
Al said, “I’d like them to say, ‘Look, he’s moving!'” 
———————————————————— 
Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord. “God, what does a million years mean to you?” The Lord replies, “A minute. “ Smith asks, “And what does a million dollars mean to you?” The Lord replies, “A penny.” Smith asks, “Can I have a penny?” The Lord replies, “In a minute.” 
—————————————– 
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully, “Give me one last request, dear,” he said. 
“Of course, John,” his wife said softly. 

“Six months after I die,” John said, “I want you to marry Bob.” 

“But I thought you hated Bob,” she said.. 

With his last breath John said, “I do!” 

————————————– 
A man goes to see the Rabbi. “Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.” The Rabbi asked, “What’s wrong?” 


The man replied, “My wife is going to poison me.” The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, “How can that be?” The man then pleads, “I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s going to poison me. What should I do?” The Rabbi then offers, “Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I’ll see what I can find out and I’ll let you know.” 

A week later the Rabbi calls the man. He says, “I spoke to your wife on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?” The man said, “Yes” and the Rabbi replied, “Take the poison.” 
 

 

Day Brightener – Minnesota – And You Thought It Couldn’t Get Better. Let Me Know If Any Of These Strike A Chord

Train station, Madison, Lac qui Parle County. 1890 (MNHS)
History:
MADISON Township, first settled in 1877, organized in October 1879, was named on the suggestion of Claus P. Moe, “in memory of his former home at Madison, Wisconsin.” The city of Madison is located in sections 20, 21, 28, and 29; the townsite company organized by H. A. Larson, general store owner, purchased the land from John Anderson in 1884 and platted the townsite; the post office began as True in 1883, changing its name to Madison in 1884; it had a station of the Minneapolis and St. Louis Railroad. The city was incorporated in 1886, became the county seat in 1889, and adopted its city charter March 12, 1902.
These are photos of our farm at 102nd street & France Ave in Edina. about 1953 – 55

( 13″ x 18″ ) This is an original ( not a reprint ) 1864 civil war era map of Minnesota/ South Dakota. This is a great piece of history of what Minnesota and South Dakota looked like back then.This is in my collection along with my other maps that I collect.
The Mesabi Iron Range sits in northeastern Minnesota as one of the most significant and most consequential geological formations in American industrial history. The range stretches roughly 110 miles across St. Louis and Itasca counties and contains iron ore deposits so vast and so accessible that mining them transformed the American steel industry, fueled two world wars, and built the infrastructure of a modern nation from a stretch of Minnesota earth that most of the country has never visited and could not locate on a map.
Iron ore was discovered on the Mesabi Range in the 1880s and mining began in earnest in the 1890s. The deposits were different from anything previously mined in the Great Lakes region. The ore sat close to the surface in formations that allowed open pit mining rather than the underground shaft mining used elsewhere. That accessibility made extraction faster, cheaper, and possible at a scale that changed everything about how much American steel could be produced and how quickly.
The communities the Iron Range built are as distinctive as the geology that created them. Hibbing, Virginia, Eveleth, Chisholm, and the other Range towns developed a working class culture shaped by mining, by the labor movement, and by the waves of immigrant workers who came from Finland, Slovenia, Croatia, Italy, and dozens of other countries to work the mines and build lives in northeastern Minnesota. That cultural mix produced a specific Iron Range identity that is neither northern Minnesota nor urban Minnesota but something entirely its own.
The open pit mines on the Mesabi Range are visible from space and some of them are among the largest man made excavations on Earth. The Hull Rust Mahoning Mine near Hibbing covers over 1,500 acres and reaches depths of 535 feet. Standing at the overlook above it produces the specific vertigo of looking at something so large that the human mind keeps trying to reframe it as something smaller and more manageable and failing every time. Minnesota dug that. Minnesota is still digging.

Minnesota does not let go of its people easily, and its people rarely manage to fully let go of Minnesota either. You can move across the country. You can stay gone for twenty years. Minnesota still shows up in the small things that never quite leave.

It shows up the first time you say pop in a state that calls it soda and get a confused look back. It shows up when you reach for lutefisk or lefse around the holidays and realize the nearest version is a thousand miles away. It shows up every time someone asks where you’re from and you answer with more pride than the question really required.

Minnesotans who leave become the state’s quiet ambassadors wherever they land. They explain hotdish without being asked. They defend the winters with a strange kind of affection that confuses people who have never experienced one. They talk about ten thousand lakes like the number is modest, because to them it always was.

Once a Minnesotan is not nostalgia. It is something closer to permanent installation. The cold built a tolerance that never fully resets. The lakes shaped an idea of what a good summer looks like that nothing else quite matches. Minnesota made you, and whatever Minnesota built into you in the process does not get uninstalled just because the zip code changed.

Wabasha Street Caves sit beneath the bluffs of Saint Paul along the Mississippi River, and the space has lived through more chapters of Minnesota history than almost any other single location in the Twin Cities. The caves were originally carved out as silica sand mines in the mid 1800s, providing material used in glass making before the mining operations eventually moved elsewhere and left behind a network of empty underground chambers that someone eventually figured out had real potential for a second life.
During Prohibition, those empty chambers became one of Saint Paul’s most notorious speakeasies. The city’s complicated relationship with organized crime during that era is well documented, and the Wabasha Street Caves reportedly hosted gangsters including John Dillinger and the Barker gang, who took advantage of Saint Paul’s unofficial policy at the time that allowed criminals to lay low in the city as long as they didn’t commit crimes within its limits. The caves offered exactly the kind of hidden, hard to monitor space that made an underground bar appealing when the activity happening inside was illegal.
After Prohibition ended, the caves cycled through different uses over the decades, including a stretch as a mushroom growing operation that took advantage of the naturally cool, dark, consistent conditions underground. Eventually the space was converted into an event venue, and today it hosts swing dancing nights, weddings, and tours that walk visitors through both the gangster era history and the natural geology of the sandstone caves themselves.
The Wabasha Street Caves are one of those rare places where the strange details all turn out to be true. Real sandstone, real Prohibition era crime, real Big Band swing nights happening today in the same chambers where Dillinger reportedly hid out decades earlier. Saint Paul built something underground that ended up holding nearly two centuries of Minnesota history in one space, and the caves are still telling that story to anyone who shows up for a dance lesson or a tour. See less
Spam was born in Austin, Minnesota in 1937 when Hormel Foods, already a major meatpacking operation in the city, introduced a canned spiced ham product designed to use cuts of pork that otherwise went to waste. The name itself reportedly stood for “spiced ham,” and the product launched at a moment when affordable, shelf stable protein had real appeal during the tail end of the Great Depression. Minnesota gave the world one of the most recognizable canned foods in history almost by accident, solving a packing house efficiency problem and creating an entire cultural phenomenon in the process.
World War II is what turned Spam from a regional product into a global one. The U.S. military shipped massive quantities overseas to feed troops, and Spam became a fixture in rations across multiple theaters of war. Soldiers carried it home in their memories along with everything else they experienced, and the product’s reach expanded into places like Hawaii, the Philippines, and parts of Asia where it became deeply embedded in local food culture in ways nobody in Austin, Minnesota could have predicted when they were just trying to use up pork shoulder trim.
Hormel still produces Spam in Austin today, and the city has fully embraced what it created. The SPAM Museum draws visitors from across the country curious about a product that somehow became both a punchline and a beloved staple depending entirely on who you ask. Austin holds an annual Spam Jam festival, and the town’s relationship with the product runs far deeper than most people outside Minnesota probably realize.
Spam has spent decades absorbing jokes about its ingredients and its texture, and Minnesota has never seemed particularly bothered by any of it. The product solved a real problem, fed soldiers during a war, and built an entire identity for a small Minnesota meatpacking town that turned mystery meat into a genuine piece of American culinary history. Austin made it. The world decided what to do with it from there.
Lutefisk is the dish Minnesota Lutherans gather around every winter with genuine devotion and visible bracing. The church basement smells it before you even walk through the door. Somebody’s grandmother is already explaining why this year’s batch is better than last year’s, a claim nobody present is fully prepared to evaluate honestly.
The process alone should have been a warning sign. Dried whitefish gets soaked in water for days. Then it gets soaked again in a lye solution that turns it into something with the approximate texture of a science experiment that succeeded in ways nobody wanted. Then it gets soaked a third time to remove the lye before anyone can safely eat it. Minnesota looked at that multi day process and decided it was worth doing every single year in December with extended family watching.
The smell precedes the dish by a notable margin. Lutefisk dinners have been emptying out church basements across Minnesota for generations and the people attending split cleanly into two groups. Those who genuinely love it and request seconds, and those who show up for the lefse and the meatballs while strategically taking the smallest possible lutefisk portion and nodding along when someone asks if it’s good.
Nobody outside Minnesota understands the appeal. Most people inside Minnesota cannot fully explain it either beyond “my grandfather ate it, so I eat it.” The tradition survives because retiring it would mean admitting nobody actually enjoys lutefisk, and that is a sentence Minnesota Lutherans are not ready to say out loud. The gelatinous fish keeps getting passed around the table every December while everyone politely insists it’s growing on them.

Day Brightener – Phrases Shakespeare Coined That We Still Use Today

Love is blind 
“The Merchant of Venice,” “Henry V,” and “The Two Gentlemen of Verona”

In a pickle 
“The Tempest”

Green-eyed monster 
“Othello”

Foregone conclusion 
“Othello”

Cold-blooded 
“King John”

Salad days 
“Antony and Cleopatra”

Break the ice 
“The Taming of the Shrew”

As dead as a doornail 
“Henry VI, Part II”

Cruel to be kind 
“Hamlet”

Knock, knock! Who’s there? 
“Macbeth”

One fell swoop 
“Macbeth”

The world is your oyster 
“The Merry Wives of Windsor”