Day Brightener – Sex After Death?

cementryA couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life after death at all.

After a long life together, Frank was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact: “Kris, Kris, can you hear me?”

“Is that you, Frank?”

“Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.”

“That’s wonderful! What’s it like?”

“Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it’s off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (and Kris, you’d be proud — lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it’s back to the golf course again.

Then it’s more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again”.

“Oh, Frank! Are you in Heaven?”

“No — I’m a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona.”

Day Brightener – Important! Jeff Stops At Police Station.

Jeff speaking to police sergeant:  My wife is missing. She went out yesterday and has not come home.

Sergeant at Police Station: What is her height?

Jeff: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant: Weight?

Jeff: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant: color of eyes?

Jeff: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

Sergeant: Color of hair?

Jeff: Changes a couple times a year.

Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.

Sergeant: What was she wearing?

Jeff: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don’t know exactly.

Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?

Jeff: She went in my Car

Sergeant: What kind of Car?

Jeff:  BMW, can’t remember what model. It’s blue.

Sergeant: Was there anything of value in the car?

Jeff: (sobbing)

Yes, my golf clubs!

Titleist TS3 9 degree driver with Tensei Orange TX flex CK60 with 74  Tungsten Prepreg shaft

Titleist TS3 15-degree Fairway wood with Hzrdus 6.5x 76g shaft

Titleist 3-4 718 TMB irons with Nippon modus 120 x shafts

Titleist 718 AP2 irons 5-50deg with Nippon modus 120 x shafts

Titleist Vokey Sm8 52,56- & 60-degree wedges

Scotty Cameron Newport 2.5 35-inch putter with Superstroke Pistol GT Tour Skull grip

Titleist mid Staff bag

Nikon range finder

12 pro V1s golf balls

3 Titleist player’s Golf gloves

Titleist towel

Alignment sticks and Stitch leather cover.

Dubai Hills by Jumeirah bag tag.

(At this point, the sobbing has turned into a full cry.)

Sergeant: Don’t worry pal. We’ll find your golf clubs.

Day Brightener – Shopping at Tiffany’s

A lady walks into Tiffany’s. She looks around, spots a beautiful Diamond bracelet, and walks over to inspect it.

As she bends over to more closely inspect it, she farts. Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little whoops and prays that a salesperson was not anywhere near.

As she turns around her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.

Good looking as well as “cool as a cucumber” he displays all of what you would expect of a professional in a store like Tiffany’s. He politely greets the lady with “Good day, Madam. How may we help you today???”

Blushing and uncomfortable but still hopeful the salesman missed her “incident”, she asks

“Sir, what is the price of the lovely bracelet?”

He answers “Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you’re going to shit in your pants when I tell you the price!”

Bonus Day Brightener – Sometimes There Is Another Side To The Story

Oliver Wendell Holmes, the eminent Supreme Court justice, was on a train reading his paper when the conductor came by punching tickets. The justice searched his coat pockets for his ticket. Then he searched his vest pockets. Each time he came up empty.

Finally the conductor, recognizing him, said, “Mr. Justice Holmes, don’t worry. I’m sure the great Pennsylvania Railroad won’t mind if you send your ticket to us when you find it.”

With this the distinguished jurist looked up at the conductor and said, “My dear young man — the problem is not where is my ticket? The problem is — where am I going?”