Day Brightener – The Following Are Some Strange Facts About America That Most Americans Do Not Know

#1 In more than half of all states in the United States of America, the highest paid public employee in the state is a football coach.

#2 It costs the U.S. government 1.8 cents to mint a penny and 9.4 cents to mint a nickel. Interesting links

#3 Almost half of all Americans (47 percent) do not put a single penny out of their paychecks into savings.

#4 Apple has more cash than the U.S. Treasury.

#5 The state of Alaska is 429 times larger than the state of Rhode Island.  But Rhode Island has a significantly larger population than Alaska does.

#6 Alaska has a longer coastline than all of the other 49 U.S. states put together.

#7 The city of Juneau, Alaska, is about 3,000 square miles in size.  It is actually larger than the entire state of Delaware.

#8 When LBJ’s “War on Poverty” began, less than 10 percent of all U.S. children were growing up in single parent households. Today, that number has skyrocketed to 33 percent.

#9 In 1950, less than 5 percent of all babies in America were born to unmarried parents. Today, that number is over 40 percent.

#10 The poverty rate for households that are led by a married couple is 6.8 percent.  For households that are led by a female single parent, the poverty rate is 37.1 percent.

#11 In 2013, women earned 60 percent of all bachelor’s degrees that were awarded that year in the United States.

#12 According to the CDC, 34.6 percent of all men in the U.S. are obese at this point

#13 The average supermarket in the United States wastes about 3,000 lbs. of food each year.  Meanwhile, approximately 20 percent of the garbage that goes into our landfills is food.

#14 According to one recent survey, 81 percent of Russians now have a negative view of the United States. That is much higher than at the end of the Cold War era.

#15 Montana has three times as many cows as it does people.

#16 The grizzly bear is the official state animal of California.  But no grizzly bears have been seen there since 1922.

#17 One recent survey discovered that “a steady job” is the number one thing that American women are looking for in a husband and discovered that 75 percent of women would have a serious problem dating an unemployed man.

#18 According to a study conducted by economist Carl Benedict Frey and engineer Michael Osborne, up to 47 percent of the jobs in the United States could soon be lost to computers, robots and other forms of technology.

#19 The only place in the United States where coffee is grown commercially is in Hawaii.

#20 The original name of the city of Atlanta was “Terminus “.

#21 The state with the most millionaires per capita is Maryland.

#22 One survey of 50-year-old men in the U.S. found that only 12 percent of them said that they were “very happy”.

#23 The United States has 845 motor vehicles for every 1,000 people.

#24 48 percent of all Americans do not have any emergency supplies in their homes whatsoever. Even fewer have fire extinguishers.

#25 There are three towns in the United States that have the name “Santa Claus “.

#26 There is actually a town in Michigan called “Hell “. (I wonder how far down the road from Detroit that is?)

#27 If you have no debt and also have 10 dollars in your wallet…you are wealthier than 25 percent of all Americans.

#28 By the time an American child reaches the age of 18, that child will have seen approximately 40,000 murders on television.

Day Brightener -Aging — Many of these apply to us / me these days – If the shoe fits – wear it

“To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except exercise, get up early, or be respectable.” – Oscar Wilde 

“The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.” – Will Rogers 

“We must recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary.” – C.S. Lewis 

“Old age comes at a bad time.” – San Banducci 

“Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.” – Jennifer Yane

“Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it.” – Golda Meir 

“I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued.” – Bill Dane 

“The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened.” – Mark Twain 

“Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself.” – Tom Wilson 

“Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home.”- Phyllis Diller 

“I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.” – Rita Rudner 

“I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do.” – Phyllis Diller 

“Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere.” – George Burns 

 “First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down.” – Leo Rosenberg 

“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben 

“I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed.” – Unknown 

 “As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” – Sir Norman Wisdom 

“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” – Andy Rooney

“I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam.” – George Carlin 

“I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.” – Bob Hope 

“I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?”- Barry Cryer 

“All men are the same age.” – Dorothy Parker 

“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only must remember it.” – George Burns 

“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier 

“Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth.” – Conan O’Brien

“I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to.” – Albert Einstein 

“Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does.” – J. Norman Collie 

“You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.” – Hy Gardner 

“When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old.” – Mark Twain 

“You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.” – Joel Plaskett 

 “I’ve never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else.” —Josh Billings 

“Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.” – George Burns 

“The idea is to die young as late as possible.” – Ashley Montagu 

“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” – George Burns 

“People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday.

I tell them, a paternity suit.” – George Burns 

“Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.” – Anonymous

Day Brightener – The Value Of A #2 Pencil

Carol was not the best student in Catholic School.  Usually she slept through class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping in class. “Tell me, Carol, who created the universe?”  When Carol didn’t stir, but little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. “God Almighty!” shouted Carol.

The Nun said, “Very good!” and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun asked Carol, “Who is our Lord and Savior?” But Carol didn’t stir from her slumber.  Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt. “Jesus Christ !!!” shouted Carol. And the Nun once again said, “Very good,” and Carol fell back asleep.

The Nun asked her a third question:  “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” Again, Johnny came to the rescue.  This time Carol jumped up and shouted, “If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I’ll break it in half!”

The nun fainted

That’s the value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil

Friday Frivolity – Little Akio In History Class

The teacher said… Let’s begin by reviewing some history. Who said: ‘Give me Liberty or give me Death!’?

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Akio, a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up: “Patrick Henry, 1775,” he said.

“Very good!  “Who said:  ‘Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth!’?” Again, no response except from Little Akio: “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”

“Excellent!” said the teacher continuing. “Let’s try one a bit more difficult. “Who said, ‘Ask not what your Country can do for you, but what you can do for your Country’?” Once again, Akio’s was the only hand in the air and he said: “John F. Kennedy, 1961.”

The teacher snapped at her class, “Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Akio isn’t from this country and he knows more about our history than you do.” She hears a loud whisper:.. “F–k the Japs.” “Who said that? I want to know right now,” she angrily demanded. Little Akio put his hand up, “General MacArthur, 1945.”

At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.” The teacher glares around and asks, “All right! Now, who said that?” Again, Little Akio says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”

Now furious, the same student yells, “Suck this!” Little Akio jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher. “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”

The teacher fainted.

As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, *”Damn, we’re screwed.” Little Akio said quietly, “Chuck Schumer when Trump got elected in 2016

Day Brightener – Johnny’s Back At It Again – The Polite Way To Go Pee

JohnnyDuring one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

‘Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice  young lady, how would you tell her you have to go to the bathroom?’

Michael said: ‘Excuse me, I need to pee.’

The teacher responded:  ‘That would be quite impolite.

What about you Sherman, how would you say it?’

 Sherman said: ‘I am sorry, but I really need to go  to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.’

‘That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the  word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for  once and show us your good manners?’

Johnny said: ‘I would say “Darling, may I please be excused for a moment?  I have to shake hands  with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to  introduce you to after dinner.

The teacher fainted.

Day Brightener – A Spaghetti Love Story

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. Furthermore, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card and write ‘Spaghetti’ on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

‘Honey, she said, ‘you received a very strange post card today.’

‘Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it later,’ he said. The wife did and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:
Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.

Three with meatballs, two without.

Send extra sauce.

Day Brightener – Time To Laugh

Right after takeoff, a pilot comes on the microphone to welcome his passengers. Thank you for flying with us. The weather is….
Then he suddenly starts screaming while still on the mic, OH MY GOD! IT IS BURNING!!, IT IS BURNING!

Then silence.

A few seconds later, he comes back on and says, I’m terribly sorry about what happened. I spilled some scorching hot coffee on my lap…you should see my pants!!

A voice from the back of the plane yelled, Why don’t you come here and see ours?*****************************************************************

He bursts into his bedroom and screams to his wife WOW, I won! I finally won the lottery! Pack your bags quick . The woman all excited replied should I pack for cold or hot weather? To which the man said I don’t care as long as you are out of my house by noon.

What are the best kind of letters to read in hot weather? Fan wins the lottery

2 fortune tellers are talking about the weather.
The first one says it’s going to be a hot winter. The second one replies “Yes, reminds me of the summer of 2093.”
I just bought a new hat…with a built-in fan that keeps my head cool during hot weather. It really blows my mind.

Did you check the weather for Mexico City? It’s chili today and hot tamale.

Jewish Joke About Warm Weather
אחי היה לי כלכך חם שהבטחתי שאם יציעו לי להתנצר בזה הרגע אני אעשה את זה רק בשביל ההטבלה.

Dude. It was so hot, I swear that I’d convert to Christianity for the Baptism.

Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel across the country from coast to coast without seeing anything. ~ Charles Kuralt