Friday Frivolity – Police Stop at 2 AM

An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 AM and was asked where he was going at that time of night.

The man replied, “I’m on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body,as well as smoking and staying out late.”

The officer then asked, “Really? Who’s giving that lecture at this time of night?”

The man replied, “That would be my wife.”

Day Brightener – The Senior Citizen And The Receptionist

Friday, I had an appointment to see the urologist for a prostate exam. Of course, I was a bit on edge because all my friends have either gone under the knife or had those pellets implanted.

The waiting room was filled with patients.

As I approached the receptionist’s desk, I noticed that she was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.

I gave her my name, and in a very loud voice, she said,

“YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE. YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?”

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at me, a now very embarrassed man. But as usual, I recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,

“NO, I’VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON’T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.”

The room erupted in applause!

DON’T MESS WITH OLD RETIRED GUYS!!

Day Brightener – Things Are Not Always As They Appear


A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: “I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you.”

She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”

“Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”

She responds, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that; 1) You have to be single and 2) You must be Catholic.”

The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I’m single and Catholic!”

“OK” the nun says. “Pull into the next alley.”

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

“My dear child,” said the nun, “why are you crying?”

“Forgive me, but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.”

The nun says, “That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party!”

Day Brightener – You Just Have To Love Those Gentle Older Texas Ladies

One day, a very gentle older Texas lady was driving across a high bridge in Austin. As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixin to jump.  (“fixin” in Texas means: has the means or abilities and may take action).

She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, “Young man Please don’t jump, think of your dear mother and father.”

He replied, ” My mom and dad are both dead; I’m going to jump.”

She said. “Well, think of your sweet wife and precious children.”

He replied, “I’m not married, and I don’t have any kids.”

She said, “Well, then you just remember the Alamo.”

He replied, “What’s the Alamo?”

She replied. “Well bless your heart!  You just go ahead and jump… you little Yankee CNN loving liberal left-wing bastard, you’re holding up traffic.”

Day Brightener – Did This Ever Happen To You?

dentistHave you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely I can’t look that old. Well . . . You’ll love this one:

My name is Alice, and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.

I noticed his DDS diploma on the wall, which bore his full name suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 50 years ago.

Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought.

This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High  School.

‘Yes. Yes, I did. I’m a Mustang,’ he gleamed with pride.

When did you graduate?’ I asked.

He answered, ‘in 1965. Why do you ask?’

You were in my class! ‘, I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely.

Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled faced, fat-assed, gray-haired, decrepit son-of-a-bitch asked…..’what did you teach???

Friday Frivolity – Continuing Our Focus On Lawyers – Oops – Sometimes It Is Best To Make Sure Things Are Coordinated

In a criminal justice system based on 12 individuals here is a jury to be proud of:

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse.

In the defense’s closing statement, the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all,” the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. “Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom.” He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly.

A minute passed. Nothing happened.

Finally, the lawyer said, “Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed, and I insist that you return a verdict of not guilty.”

The jury retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.

“But how?” inquired the lawyer. “You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door.”

The jury foreman replied:

“Yes, we did look, but your client didn’t.”

Day Brightener – Finally, A Good Lawyer Joke

A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind and asks…..

Student: “Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?”

Professor: “Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn’t be a professor, would I?”

Student: “OK. So I’d like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you can’t give me the correct answer, however, you’ll have to give me an “A”.

Professor: “Hmmmm, alright. So what’s the question?”

Student: “What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?”

The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can’t crack the answer. Finally he gives up and changes the student’s failing mark into an “A” as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased.

The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all afternoon, but still can’t get the answer. So finally he calls in a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really tough question to answer: “What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?”

To the professor’s surprise (and embarrassment), all the students immediately raise their hands.

“All right” says the professor and asks his favorite student to answer

“It’s quite easy, sir” says the student “You see, you are 75 years old and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. And your wife’s lover failed his exam but you’ve just given him an “A”, which is neither legal, nor logical.”

Day Brightener – Apology Letter To Spouse – PRICELESS

Hi Sweetheart, 

I am sorry about getting into an argument about putting up the Christmas lights. I guess that sometimes I feel like you are pushing me too hard when you want something. I realize that I was wrong and I am apologizing for being such a hard-headed guy. All I want is for you to be happy and be able to enjoy the holiday season. Nothing brightens the Christmas spirit like Christmas lights! I took the time to hang the lights for you today; and now I will be off to the hockey rink. 

Again, I am very sorry for the way I acted yesterday. I’ll be home later. 

Love you.. 

Christmas Lights

Her response –

Hi Honey,

Thank you for that heart-felt apology. I don’t often get an apology from you, and I truly appreciate it. I, too, felt bad about the argument and wanted to apologize. I realize that I can sometimes be a little pushy. I will try to respect your feelings from now on. Thank you for taking the time to hang the Christmas lights for me. It really means a lot. In the spirit of giving, I washed your truck for you; and now I am off to the mall. 

I love you too!

Pickup