Friday Frivolity – The Golf Ball And The Sand Wedge

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.  Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom closet.  

Then the woman’s husband also comes home.   She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. 

The little boy says, ‘Dark in here.’ 

The man says, ‘Yes, it is.’ 

Boy – ‘I have a golf ball.’ 

Man – ‘That’s nice.’ 

Boy – ‘Want to buy it?’ 

Man – ‘No, thanks.’  

Boy – ‘My dad’s outside.’ 

Man – ‘OK, how much?’ 

Boy – ‘$250’ 

A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together. 

Boy – ‘Dark in here.’ 

Man – ‘Yes, it is.’ 

Boy – ‘I have sand wedge.’ 

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, ‘How much?’ 

Boy – ‘$750’ 

Man – ‘Sold..’ 

A few days later, the boy’s father says to the boy, ‘Grab your sand wedge and golf ball, let’s go outside and have some short game practice.   The boy says, ‘I can’t, I sold my ball and sand wedge dad.’

The father says, ‘What?!   How much did you sell them for?’ 

Boy – ‘$1,000.’ 

The father says, ‘That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that.   That is far more than those two things cost.   I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.’ 

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. 

The boy says, ‘Dark in here.’

The priest says, ‘Don’t start that shit with me again.  “You’re in my closet now!’

Day Brightener – The Unsung Benefits Of A Glass Of Wine

WineTo my friends who enjoy a glass of wine and those who don’t and are always seen with a bottle of water in their hand: As Ben Franklin said:  In wine there is wisdom, In beer there is freedom, In water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of E. Coli – bacteria found in feces.

In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop annually.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health

Therefore, it’s better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.

Not sure if our politicians are overdosing on water or wine. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I’m doing it as a public service

Day Brightener – Walk With Me While I Age

I hope this poem has the same effect on you as it did on me; then my forwarding it will be worth the effort.   Walk with me while I age – worth the read.

A BEAUTIFUL POEM ABOUT GROWING OLDER

SHIT  ……                                                                    

I forgot the words.

Friday Frivolity – Something You May Not Know About Maxine

John Wagner, Hallmark artist since 1970, says Maxine was inspired by his mother, his maiden aunts and his grandmother, the woman who bought him art lessons when ‘fill in the pumpkins’ was about the extent of his art classes at St. John’s Catholic School in Leonia, N.J.

John remembers doodling as a preschooler and says both his grandmother and his mother encouraged his artistic interests. He eventually attended the Vesper George School of Art in Boston and landed at Hallmark as part of a new artists group. But it was the birth of the humorous Shoebox Greetings (a tiny little division of Hallmark) in 1986 that added a new dimension to John’s professional life. The Shoebox way of seeing the world unleashed his talents and he created Maxine.

Why the name ‘Maxine’? ‘People at Shoebox started referring to the character as ‘John Wagner’s old lady,’ and I knew that would get me into trouble with my wife,’ John says. The Shoebox team had a contest among themselves to name the character and three of the approximately 30 entries suggested ‘Maxine’. John says the name is perfect.

John, who says he’s humbled by such acceptance of Maxine, admits he’s proud of her.

Now you know the story of how Maxine came to be.