Friday Frivolity – Do Not Mess With Seniors

This is so true! They always ask at the doctor’s office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others as to what is wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing.

There is nothing worse than a Doctor’s Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients.

I know most of us have experienced this, and I like the way this old guy handled it.

A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.

The Receptionist said, ‘Yes, sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?’

‘There’s something wrong with my dick’, he replied

The receptionist became visibly irritated and said, ‘Oh, my! You shouldn’t come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. ‘

‘Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,’ he said.

The Receptionist replied; ‘Now you’ve caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear, or something like that, and then discussed the problem further with the Doctor…in private.’

The man replied, ‘you shouldn’t ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone.”

The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, ‘Yes??’

‘There’s something wrong with my ear,’ he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly, smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.. ‘And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?’

‘I can’t piss out of it,’ he replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter…

Mess with seniors? You’re going to lose.

Now, I know you’re laughing!

Day Brightener – Interesting Difference Between Women’s And Men’s Assessment

pastedgraphic-1An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning til night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began pestering him. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement.

This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.

The old farmer said, “Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I’d nod my head in agreement.”

“And what about the men?” the minister asked.

“They wanted to know if the mule was for sale.”

Day Brightener – Two Hillbillies In A Restaurant Eating And Talking About Their Moonshine Operation

hillbillies-300x275Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich,  begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says,’Kin ya swallar?’

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, ‘Kin ya breathe?’

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says, ‘Ya know, I’d heerd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’ but I ain’t niver seed nobody do it!’

If you don’t send this to five friends, there will be five fewer people laughing in the world! 

Day Brightener – The Accident

Moshe wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness.  Now, you probably won’t remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You’re going to be okay, you’ll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn’t find it.”

Moshe groans, but the doctor goes on, “You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis.  They work great but they don’t come cheap. It’s roughly $1000 an inch.”

Moshe perks up. So, the doctor says, “You and your wife must decide how many inches you want. But understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed.  It’s important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision.

Moshe agrees to talk it over with his wife Zelda. The doctor comes back the next day, “So, have you spoken with your wife?”

“Yes I have,” says the man.

“And has she helped you make a decision?”

“Yes,” says the man.

“What is your decision?” asks the doctor.

“We’re getting granite countertops.”

Day Brightener – This Is As Old As The Hills, But It Gives Me A Laugh Every Time; I Hope It Will You Too

Blessed are those that can give without remembering and take without forgetting.

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.’  The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.’

The cop was happy and left the shop.  The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’  The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it. As Ronald Reagan said: “Both politicians and diapers need to be changed often and for the same reason.”

If you don’t forward this, you have no sense of humor.  Nothing bad will happen, however, you must live with yourself knowing that laughter is not in your future.

Day Brightener – Maxine With Thoughts For Those Of Us Of A Certain Age

YES, I’M A SENIOR CITIZEN!

I’m the life of the party…..Even if it lasts until 8 p.m.

I’m very good at opening childproof caps…..With a hammer.

I’m awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

I’m smiling all the time, because I can’t hear a thing you’re saying.

I’m sure everything I can’t find is in a safe secure place, somewhere.

I’m wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that’s just my left leg.

I’m beginning to realize that aging is not for wimps.

Yes, I’m a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life!

Go Green – Recycle Congress!!!!