Day Brightener – How Oil Prices Went Negative

For my friends who ask how oil was trading at negative $37/bbl last week.

An Economics Lesson in Oil Futures
Analysis by Thompson Energy – Understanding how crude oil was trading at minus -$37

Imagine the following scenario: You pay $500 today and commit to receiving a hooker at your house in 15 days because your wife will be traveling. This is called a Futures Contract. Unfortunately, lockdown came and you are locked down with your wife at home for the next 60 days. This is called “now you are screwed” and you cannot fulfill the escort company’s Futures Contract.

So now you do not want this woman to show up at your house at all, and try to find anyone of your friends to pass off this futures contract, any neighbors or anybody else. But you find no takers because now everybody is under lockdown with their wives and families. You find you cannot sell this hooker commitment because nobody can take delivery of the girl, and there is nowhere to stash her. Nobody can receive the hooker at home anymore. Everyone is in full storage. To make matters worse, not even the pimp (Chicago Mercantile exchange) who sold you the hooker contract has more room to receive girls because his house is full of girls out of work under lockdown.

So now you will have to pay anyone just to take the girl off your hands. Someone tells you I will take the girl off your hands BUT you must pay me $37 to do it. This is called negative price when you deliver the girl that cost you $500 to the willing buyer and pay him (me, in this case) $37 to take delivery. Got it? This, in a nutshell, is what happened to the Oil Futures Market last week. No need to thank me.

Day Brightener – Golf And Life

The MAIN problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you.

During the life boat drill, a man has used his wife’s life jacket for his golf clubs.

‘How sweet, he’s smiling. He must be dreaming about me.’

Day Brightener – Six Little Stories – Life Is A Gift, Freedom A Responsibility

{1} Once all villagers decided to pray for rain.  On the day of prayer, the people gathered, but only one boy came with an umbrella.
That’s FAITH.

{2} When you throw babies in the air, they laugh because they know you will catch them.
That’s TRUST.

{3} Every night we go to bed without any assurance of being alive the next morning, but still, we set the alarms to wake up.
That’s HOPE.

{4} We plan big things for tomorrow in spite of zero knowledge of the future.
That’s CONFIDENCE

{5} We see the world suffering, but still, we get married and have children
That’s LOVE.

{6} On an old man’s shirt was written a sentence ‘I am not 80 years old; I am sweet 16 with 64 years of experience.’
That’s ATTITUDE.

Have a happy day and live your life like the six stories. When I was a child, I thought nap time was punishment. Now it’s like a mini-vacation.

 

Day Brightener – Isolation! And The Attendant Cabin Fever

I’m as bored as an Amish electrician.

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Ontario has banned groups larger than 5. If you’re a family of 6, you’re all about to find out who’s the least favorite!

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The longer this goes on, the harder it will be to return to a society where pants and bras are required! Happy hour is starting earlier and earlier. If this keeps up, I’ll be pouring wine in my cereal!

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Today’s Weather?  Room temperature

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30 Days Hath September, April, June, and November All the rest have 31 … except March which had 8000

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Smoking pot and skipping school had me in trouble constantly. Now weeds legal and schools closed … damn kids are livin’ the dream!

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This is stupid.  I just tried to make my own hand sanitizer and it came out as a rum & coke!

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If you get an email with the subject “Knock Knock”, don’t open it. It’s a Jehovah Witness working from home

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After a few days of not going out, I saw someone I knew walking by on the sidewalk outside. I immediately ran to the window and started yelling at them. Now I understand dogs.

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Day 8 of social isolation and it’s looking like Vegas in my house: We’re losing money by the minute. Cocktails are acceptable at any hour. Nobody knows what time it is.

Day Brightener – Words Of Wisdom And Something For Everyone

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, ‘Lillian, You should have remained a virgin…’- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter.

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I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: – ‘No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.’ – Eleanor Roosevelt

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Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I   had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. – Mark Twain

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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending and to have the two as close together as possible. – George Burns

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Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. – Victor Borge

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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. – Mark Twain

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By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy;   If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. – Socrates

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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. – Groucho Marx

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My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe – Jimmy Durante

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I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. – Zsa Zsa Gabor

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Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. – Alex Levine

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My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery,   people would stop dying. – Rodney Dangerfield

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Money can’t buy you happiness…But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.- Spike Milligan

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Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP. – Joe Namath

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I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap. – Bob Hope

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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. – W. C. Fields

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We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. – Will Rogers

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Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. – Winston Churchill

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Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. – Phyllis Diller

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By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere. – Billy Crystal

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And the cardiologist’s diet: – If it tastes good, spit it out.

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May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and may nothing but happiness come through your door.

Friday Frivolity – Most Of Our Generation Of 60+ Were HOME SCHOOLED In Many Ways.

Home School1.My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”
2.My mother taught me RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
3.My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
4.My father taught me LOGIC.
“Because I said so, that’s why.”
5.My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”
6.My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
7.My father taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
8.My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
9.My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
“Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
10.My mother taught me about STAMINA.
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”
11.My mother taught me about WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
12.My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times, don’t exaggerate!”
13.My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out…”
14.My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
“Stop acting like your father!”
15.My mother taught me about ENVY.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”
16.My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
“Just wait until we get home.”
17.My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
“You are going to get it from your father when you get home!”
18.My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”
19.My mother taught me ESP.
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”
20.My father taught me HUMOR.
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
21.My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
22.My mother taught me GENETICS.
“You’re just like your father.”
23.My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”
24.My mother taught me WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”rmb
25.My father taught me about JUSTICE.
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”
While the over 60 crowd will be able to identify with these statements, many of the younger ones will not believe we were told these “EXACT” words by our parents…