Day Brightener – Excellent Medical Advice That You Will Probably Not Get Elsewhere

I don’t understand why prescription medicine is allowed to advertise on TV or why anyone would think of trying one of the medicines after listening to the laundry list of warnings of possible side effects. But this is definitely an exception!

  • Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
  • Do you suffer from shyness?
  • Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
  • Do you sometimes feel stressed?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Cabernet Sauvignon.**    See below **

Cabernet Sauvignon is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident. It can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you’re ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Cabernet Sauvignon almost immediately and, with a regimen of regular doses, you’ll overcome obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past. You will discover talents you never knew you had.

Cabernet Sauvignon may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use it but women who wouldn’t mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include:

  • Dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

Warnings:

  • The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
  • The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
  • The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to think you can sing.
  • The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

Please feel free to share this important information!

LIFE IS A CABERNET OLD CHUM!

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**CHARDONNAY, Scotch, or Bourbon may be substituted for Cabernet Sauvignon, with similar results!

Day Brightener – Notable Quotes About The Game Of Golf

Golfer Image

  1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk. — Grantland Rice
  2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five. — John Updike
  3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf. — Robert Lynd
  4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. — Horace G. Hutchinson
  5. They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is more complicated than that. — Gardner Dickinson
  6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they’d starve to death. — Sam Snead
  7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. — William Wordsworth
  8. If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt. — Dean Martin
  9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don’t have to waste energy going back to pick it up. — Tommy Bolt
  10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one. — Bishop Sheen
  11. I don’t say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they’d come up sliced. — Arnold Palmer
  12. My handicap? Woods and irons. — Chris Codiroli
  13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flagstick on top. — Pete Dye
  14. I’m hitting the woods just great; but having a terrible time getting out of them! — Buddy Hackett
  15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf. — Billy Graham
  16. If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. — Jack Lemmon
  17. It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. — Mark Twain
  18. Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. — Harry Vardon
  19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them. — Jimmy DeMaret
  20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters. — Ben Hogan
  21. If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle. — Anon
  22. The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie. — George Deukmejian
  23. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. — Lee Trevino
  24. Reason they call it golf is because all the other four-letter words were taken. — Woody Woodbury
  25. The #1 Golf rule you MUST follow: take the car keys out of your golf bag before you throw it into the creek. — St. Titleist

Day Brightener – How Many Of These Did You Know

 

  1. Debra Winger was the voice of E.T.
  2. Pearls melt in vinegar.
  3. It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year’s supply of footballs.
  4. It’s possible to lead a cow upstairs…but not downstairs.
  5. Humans are the only primates that don’t have pigment in the palms of their hands.
  6. 6. The sentence “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog,” uses every letter in the alphabet. (Developed by Western Union to Test telex/two communications)
  7. Average lifespan of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
  8. A duck’s quack doesn’t echo, and no one knows why.
  9. The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.
  10. The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the “American Pie.” (Thus the name of the Don McLean song.)
  11. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Spades – King David; Clubs – Alexander the Great; Hearts -Charlemagne; and Diamonds – Julius Caesar.
  12. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
  13. Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down-hence the expression “to get fired.”
  14. Hershey’s Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it’s kissing the conveyor belt.
  15. The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the “General Purpose” vehicle, G.P.
  16. The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado.
  17. The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League All-Star Game.
  18. Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
  19. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original “Halloween” was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white.
  20. If you put a raisin in a glass of champagne, it will keep floating to the top and sinking to the bottom.
  21. Snails can sleep for 3 years without eating.
  22. Actor Tommy Lee Jones and vice-president Al Gore were freshman roommates at Harvard.
  23. The fingerprints of koala bears are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they could be confused at a crime scene.
  24. Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a “Friday the 13th.”
  25. The man who plays Lt. Commander Montgomery Scott on Star Trek is missing the entire middle finger of his right hand.
  26. The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one-mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.
  27. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
  28. All of the clocks in the movie “Pulp Fiction” are stuck on 4:

HOW MANY DID YOU KNOW?

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain. 

Day Brightener – Interesting Master’s Tournament Quirks

Thought you might find this interesting.  What they didn’t mention in this article is that CBS made the investment years ago to bury all the media cable used to film and broadcast the Masters, so what you don’t see is the unsightly mess of cables laced all over the course as in most tournaments.

Masters Tournament Quirks.

Maybe things you knew about Augusta and maybe some you didn’t. In 1934 Bobby Jones requested the USGA to host the US Open at Augusta. The USGA said no.  Angry at the rebuff. Bobby Jones and Clifford Roberts decided to have their own event, which became the Masters. The Masters is not a Championship of anything.  “You are the winner of the Masters”.  

The Masters is one of the most unusual events in sports. It’s all about tradition, and it’s defined by a set of odd rules and customs that just don’t exist outside of Augusta National. It’s great. We compiled the oddest traditions that make the Masters and Augusta one of a kind. 

Food prices are ridiculously low. 

Tipping is banned. 

Cell phones are prohibited at all times and cameras are not permitted during the tournament. 

It’s one of the only places in the U.S. where there are long lines for payphones. 

There’s a huge fence around the course to keep out animals. There has been one deer sighting in the last 65 years.  

Only four minutes of commercials per hour are allowed during the broadcast and no blimps are allowed. 

TV commentators are not allowed to refer to fans as “fans” or “spectators” They are to be called “patrons,” and the rough is to be referred to as the “second cut.” 

The Masters banned CBS broadcaster Gary McCord in 1995 for saying, “They don’t cut the greens here at Augusta, they use bikini wax.” 

Players had to use local caddies provided by Augusta until 1983. 

Players are allowed to use their own caddies now, but they have to wear the Augusta uniform — green hat, white jumpsuit. 

Like many golf courses, there is good fishing at Augusta National, but the players don’t like to talk about it because it is forbidden.  

In 2011, Monte Burke of Forbes interviewed golfers about the best fishing spots on the PGA Tour . When Augusta was brought up, he described their responses as “squeamish” and they only admitted to hearing there were some good spots.  A former caddie was willing to tell Burke that the best spots are the creek in front of the 12th hole (“full of bream”; seen above) and the pond at the 16th hole (“brimming with bass”). 

Fans, oops, we mean patrons, aren’t allowed to wear their hats backwards.

Patrons can bring collapsible chairs to sit on, but those chairs are not allowed to have armrests. 

Running is not allowed, unless you are a player. 

Grounds crew members used to wear hard hats. 

There is an odd myth that the grounds crew at Augusta packs the azalea plants with ice if spring comes early. The idea is that this will keep the plants from flowering too soon before the tournament. 

There is a house located in the middle of the Augusta National parking lot because the owners refuse to sell it. The family has reportedly turned down “millions.” 

You can’t apply to become a member at Augusta.  It’s nearly impossible to become a member at Augusta.  You have to be nominated by a current Augusta member, and new initiations generally aren’t accepted unless someone quits or dies. The total membership hovers around 300. 

Augusta is closed in the summer to keep the course in pristine shape.  Even the press conference podium is immaculate. 

Players are given a brand-new Mercedes for use during the week. 

Golf cart drivers who are hired to drive the players around Augusta National also pick up the golfers at the airport in the Mercedes they will be using. The cars also have a number in the back window so that employees can always identify the players by which car they are in. 

You can go to jail for selling tickets.  Twenty-four people were arrested outside Augusta in 2012 for trying to scalp tickets. The course is insane about who it lets into the tournament and it’s illegal to sell tickets within 2,700 feet of the gates. 

You can only ask for autographs in one part of the course.  Fans always line the ropes at big tournaments in hopes of getting a signature. But this is tougher to do at Augusta. You can only try and solicit an autograph on the Washington Roadside of the clubhouse, near the practice facilities. 

The bunkers at Augusta are filled with mining waste.  You know those pristine white bunkers? They’re actually composed of waste product from the mining of aluminum, according to Golf.com Basically, there’s a company that mines feldspar (rocks) for aluminum. This process produces waste in the form of really bright, pure quartz and that’s what Augusta uses.

Day Brightener – The Jewish Bookie And The Priest

A Jewish bookie was at the races playing the ponies and losing his shirt.  He noticed a Priest step out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.That horse – a long shot – won the race.

Next race, as the horses lined up, the Priest onto the track. Sure enough, he blessed one of the horses.  The bookie made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse won the race. He collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the Priest would bless next.   He bet big on it, and it won.  As the races continued, the Priest kept blessing horses, and each one ended up winning.

The bookie was elated. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited for the Priest’s blessing. The Priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was 100/1. This time the priest blessed the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag.  The bookie knew he had a winner and bet every cent on the old nag. He watched dumbfounded as the old nag pulled up and couldn’t even finish the race.

In a state of shock, he confronted the priest, “Father! What happened? All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed never even had a chance. Now, thanks to you I’ve lost every cent of my savings!”

The Priest nodded wisely and with sympathy.  “You’re not Catholic are you, my son?”

“No, I’m Jewish”.

“That’s the problem”, said the Priest, “you don’t know the difference between a blessing and the last rites.

Day Brightener – Getting Older

Old People ImageA distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office. “Is it true,” she wanted to know, “that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?” “‘Yes, I’m afraid so,”‘ the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied,  “I’m wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS’..”
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An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery     and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the     anesthesia,     he asked to speak  to his son. “Yes, Dad, what is it?” “Don’t be nervous, son;    do your best, and just remember,     if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.”
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Aging:
Eventually, you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. This is so true.I love to hear them say “you don’t look that old.”
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The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. (Mostly because we forgot why we were waiting in line in the first place  !!)
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Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! I want people to know why    I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way     and some of the roads weren’t paved.
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When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
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One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
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Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
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First, you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. it’s worse when you forget to pull it down.
““““““““
Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I  wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.” The young guy says, “That’s OK, it’s a   coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.” The old guy says, “Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?” The young guy says, “Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair,     blue eyes, is buxom…wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?’ To which the old guy says, “Doesn’t matter,     — let’s look for yours.”
(ADORABLE)

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(And this final one especially for me,)
“Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth!”

Now, if you feel this doesn’t apply to you  –  stick around awhile . . . it will !

Day Brightener – Two Little Golf Vignettes To Kick Off The Week

A man was addressing the ball when an announcement came over the loud-speaker: “Will the gentleman on hole number one please not hit from the Ladies’ tee box.”

The man backs away, a little distracted, then approaches his ball again. As he does, the same announcement comes over the loud-speaker: “Will the gentleman on hole number one please not hit from the Ladies’ tee box.”

The man is getting irritated now, and after backing away from his shot, approaches his ball one more time. This time the announcement came: “We really need the gentleman on hole number one to move off of the Ladies’ tee box!”

To which the man turns around and yells: “And I really need the announcer to shut up and let me play my second shot!

churchA Baptist pastor decides to play hooky on a Sunday to play golf. He’s playing the best golf of his life when an angel asks God, “Are you going to let this slide? Do something!”

So God says, “Watch this.”

The pastor hits a 425-yard tee shot and the ball goes in the hole for a double eagle. The angel asks, “Why did you reward him?”

God says, “Who is he gonna tell?”