Day Brightener – The Lone Ranger And Tonto

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.  After they got their tent all set up, both men fell asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, ‘Kemosabe, look towards sky, what you see?

The Lone Ranger replies, ‘I see millions of stars.’

‘What that tell you?’ asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute, then says,

‘Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially millions of planets.  Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.  Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.  Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.  Esoterically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What’s it tell you, Tonto?

“You dumber than a (Insert the name of your favorite or least favorite politician here) voter.  It means someone stole the tent.”

 

 

 

 

Friday Frivoity – Sometimes Is Not Smart To Attempt To Fool Someone!

Four university friends were so confident in their abilities that the weekend before their final exams, they decided to get out of town and party with some friends. After all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn’t make it back home until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the exam then, they decided to find their professor afterwards and explain to him why they missed it.

They explained that they had gone away for the weekend with the plan to come back and study but, unfortunately, they had a flat tyre on the way back, didn’t have a spare and couldn’t get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the exam.

The professor thought it over and then agreed they could do exam the following day. The friends were elated and relieved.

They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem, worth five points. It was fairly simple. “Cool,” they all thought at the same time, each one in his separate room. “This is going to be easy.”

Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written: “(For 95 points): Which tyre?”

Day Brightener – One Good Deed Deserves Another

A dude with his pants hanging half off his butt, two gold front teeth, cell phone in his hand and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marched up to the counter and said, “Hey man. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job. I don’t like taking advantage of the system and gettin’ somethin’ for nothin’.” 

The social worker behind the counter said “Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.

You’ll have to drive around in his 2013 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You’ll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say…. but you will also have, as part of your job assignment, to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20’s and has a rather strong sex drive.”

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, “You’re bullshittin’ me!”

The social worker said, “Yeah, well… You started it.” …..