Day Brightener – Scam alert! Men beware

During the recent hot weather here in the UK we have had a couple of young women operating a scam at our local supermarket. They offer a while-you-wait car valeting service – you just drive in and while you sit there, one of them washes the outside of the car while the other vacuums the inside. They’re both really fit-looking and wear skimpy shorts and sleeveless T-shirt. What happens is that while the one outside is leaning across to clean the windscreen, with her wet T-shirt pressed up against the glass and really leaving very little to the imagination, the one inside will take advantage of your distraction to steal your wallet.

They caught me last Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday (three times), last thing on Thursday, they weren’t there on Friday, and again on Saturday. Good news though, the store does very good imitation Moroccan leather wallets for only £1.75.

Day Brightener – An Elderly Couple Discussing Their Relationship

An elderly couple who are both widowed have been courting for a long time.

They decide it’s finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they go out to dinner and talk about how their marriage might work. They discuss finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally, the man broaches the subject of their physical relationship.
“How do you feel about sex?” he asks, rather tentatively.

“I would like it infrequently,” replies the old lady.

The old gentleman sits quietly for a moment, adjusts his glasses, leans over towards her and whispers: “Is that one word or two?”

Day Brightener – Comments made in the year 1955!

This is one for all to wonder, especially those of us that can remember this time. Also, for a little more there is a song by Ronnie Milsap titled “In the still of the night” which has a line “Back to the 50’s tonight”.

I’ll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it’s going to be impossible to buy a week’s groceries for $10.00.

Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won’t be long before $1,000.00 will only buy a used one.

If cigarettes keep going up in price, I’m going to quit; 20 cents a pack is ridiculous.

Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging 7 cents just to mail a letter.

If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store.

When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost more than 20 cents a gallon. Guess we’d be better off leaving the car in the garage.

I’m afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every new movie has either HELL or DAMN in it.

I read the other day where some scientist thinks it’s possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas.

Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $50,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn’t surprise me if someday they’ll be making more than the President.

I never thought I’d see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They’re even making electric typewriters now.

It’s too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married womenare having to work to make ends meet.

It won’t be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work.

I’m afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business.

Thank goodness I won’t live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to government.

The fast food restaurant is convenient for a quick meal, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.

There is no sense going on short trips anymore for a weekend. It costs nearly $2.00 a night to stay in a motel.

No one can afford to be sick anymore. At $15.00 a day in the hospital, it’s too rich for my blood.

Day Brightener – Options – Door Number 1, 2, or 3?

A man dies and goes to hell

When he arrives, he meets the devil, standing in front of three doors.

“What are these doors?” The man asks.

The devil tells him “Hell isn’t so bad, you get to choose your accommodations. Behind these doors are your three options.”

The man then asks to see behind each door, so he can choose his eternal accommodations wisely.

The devil opens the first door. Behind it is a room that is sweltering hot, as hot as the surface of the sun, and inside are a bunch of people standing on their heads.

After seeing this, the man says “Hmm… I never have been a huge fan of hot weather. I get really sweaty. What’s behind the next door?”

The devil opens the second door. Behind it is another room, this one freezing cold, as cold as the arctic in winter. Inside, a bunch of people are shivering, standing on their heads.

The man then says “Oh, no this won’t work. I get this weird thing with my feet when I’m cold, I don’t think I would like this very much. What’s behind the last door?

Finally, the devil opens the last door. Behind it are a bunch of people neck deep in shit, drinking coffee.

The man sees this and says “huh, this doesn’t seem so bad! I’ll take this room!”

He walks in, and just as the devil is about to shut the door, he yells in “Okay everyone, coffee break is over! Back on your heads!”

Day Brightener and Enlightener – 15 Quotes: Writers On Writing

A writer can do nothing for men more necessary, satisfying, than just simply to reveal to them the infinite possibilities of their own souls. — Walt Whitman

When I write I can shake off all my cares. My sorrow disappears, my spirits are revived! — Anne Frank

All good writing is swimming under water and holding your breath. — F. Scott Fitzgerald

In writing, your audience is one single reader. I have found that sometimes it helps to pick out one person — a real person you know, or an imagined person and write to that one. — John Steinbeck

And what, you ask, does writing teach us? First and foremost, it reminds us that we are alive and that it is a gift and a privilege, not a right. — Ray Bradbury

The true alchemists do not change lead into gold; they change the world into words. — William H. Gass

If there’s a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it. — Toni Morrison

I write for the same reason I breathe — because if I didn’t, I would die. — Isaac Asimov

You don’t start out writing good stuff. You start out writing crap and thinking it’s good stuff, and then gradually you get better at it. That’s why I say one of the most valuable traits is persistence. — Octavia E. Butler

To me, the greatest pleasure of writing is not what it’s about, but the inner music that words make. — Truman Capote

Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader — not the fact that it is raining, but the feeling of being rained upon. — E.L. Doctorow

If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot. — Stephen King

Writing is saying to no one and to everyone the things it is not possible to say to someone. Or rather writing is saying to the no one who may eventually be the reader those things one has no someone to whom to say them. — Rebecca Solnit

I write to dream; to connect with other human beings; to record; to clarify; to visit the dead. I have a kind of primitive need to leave a mark on the world. — Mary Karr

This is how you do it: you sit down at the keyboard and you put one word after another until it’s done. It’s that easy, and that hard. — Neil Gaiman

Day Brightener – A Golf Theme This U S Open Weekend

1. “Success in this game depends less on strength of body than strength of mind and character.” – Arnold Palmer

2. “I get to play golf for a living. What more can you ask for, getting paid for doing what you love.” -Tiger Woods

3. “Stay true to yourself and listen to your inner voice. It will lead you to your dream.” -James Ross

5. “If you worry about making bogeys, it makes the game that much more difficult. You put more pressure on yourself without even noticing it. It makes a difference to take it easy when things aren’t going right.” -Sergio Garcia

6. “There’s no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing!” -Anonymous

7. “Golf… is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well.” -P.G. Wodehouse

8. “The value of routine; trusting your swing.” -Lorii Myers

9. “A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks.” -Gary Player

10. “Arnold’s place in history will be as the man who took golf from being a game for the few to a sport for the masses. He was the catalyst who made that happen.” -Jack Nicklaus

11. “Golf is about how well you accept, respond to, and score with your misses much more so than it is a game of your perfect shots.” -Dr Bob Rotella

12. “I have to believe in myself. I know what I can do, what I can achieve.” -Sergio Garcia

13. “Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do.” -Bruce Crampton

14. “Achievements on the golf course are not what matters, decency and honesty are what matter.” -Tiger Woods

15. Player on a Good Player

Gary Player Golf Quotes

image credit: pinterest

16. “One reason golf is such an exasperating game is that a thing we learned is so easily forgotten, and we find ourselves struggling year after year with faults we had discovered and corrected time and again.” -Bobby Jones

17. “For this game you need, above all things, to be in a tranquil frame of mind.” -Harry Vardon

18. “One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. No matter what you shoot – the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into something.” -Peter Jacobsen

19. “As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.” -Ben Hogan

20. “Golf is a science, the study of a lifetime, in which you can exhaust yourself but never your subject.” -David Forgan

21. “I have found the game to be, in all factualness, a universal language wherever I traveled at home or abroad.” -Ben Hogan

22. “Keep your sense of humor. There’s enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game you’re supposed to enjoy.” -Amy Alcott

23. “A routine is not a routine if you have to think about it.” -Davis Love Jr.

24. “Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening – and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented.” -Arnold Palmer
25. “The proper score for a businessman golfer is 90. If he is better than that he is neglecting his business. If he’s worse, he’s neglecting his golf.” -St Andrews Rotary Club Member