Day Brightener – Getting Older And Maybe Wiser

I found this timely because today I was in a shoe store that sells only shoes, nothing else. A young girl with a tattoo and green hair walked over to me and asked, “What brings you in today? I looked at her and said, “I’m interested in buying a refrigerator.” She didn’t quite know how to respond, had that deer in the headlights look.

I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.

When people see a cat’s litter box they always say, “Oh, have you got a cat?” I just say, “No, it’s for company!”

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, “An ambulance.”

The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Have you ever noticed: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.

The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he knows when he’s really in trouble.

Did you ever notice that when you put the 2 words “The” and “IRS” together it spells “Theirs?”

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. Some people try to turn back their “odometers.” Not me. I want people to know why I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and a lot of the roads were not paved.

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up, sags or leaks.

Ah! Being young is beautiful but being old is comfortable.

Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.

May you always have:

Love to share,
Cash to spare,
Tires with air,
And friends who care. ūüí•

Day Brightener – Maxine Is Back With Twenty-Nine Lines To Make You Smile

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t. ‚Ä®

2.¬†I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.¬†‚Ä®

3. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.¬†‚Ä®

4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.  


5. Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

6. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me

7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9. I’m not a complete idiot — Some parts are just missing.

10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck -is-the-room-spinning medicine.

12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

15. Ever stop to think , and forget to start again?

16. Being ‘over the hill’ is much better than being under it!

17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.  


18. Procrastinate Now!

19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?  


20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. ‚Ä®

21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.  


22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!  


23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.  


24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

26. Ham and eggs… A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.¬†(how true)¬†

27. The trouble with life is there’s no back ground music.

28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson. ‚Ä®

29. I smile because I don’t know what the heck is going on.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!   
Life is too short and friends are too few!

Bonus Day Brightener – Another One For Today’s Road Warrior And Any Flying For The Upcoming Holiday

Let’s Take it Back to the 70s With Qantas

The Captain Cook Lounge on the Qantas Boeing 747-200. Complete with a fashionable nautical theme, the upper deck lounge allowed 15 passengers to either have a drink at the standing bar or have their meal seated on the comfortable sofa or swivel chairs. Passengers could also have a smoke here while unwinding during a long flight.

Day Brightener – An Exchange Between A Man and Woman Over A Bottle Of Merlot

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant. So, the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, ‘This is from the gentleman who is seated over there.’ .and indicated the sender with a nod of his head.

She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read:
‘For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants’

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady.

It read:
‘Just to let you know things aren’t always what they appear to be, I have a¬†Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen & Maui, and a 10,000 acre winery in France. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you are, would I cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back.’