In a crowded New York City at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt.

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.


Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn’t.  So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more.

For the second time, attempted the step, and, once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.


With little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.


About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.


She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, “How dare you touch my body! 
I don’t even know who you are!’  


The Texan smiled and drawled, 
”Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped 
my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.”

Two Story Outhouse.

I can’t even think of anything to add to this… Words fail me!

Yep!!! This  pretty much says it all.

While I sat in the
 reception area of my doctor’s office, a
 woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. 
As she went to the
 receptionist’s desk, the man sat there, alone and
 silent. Just as I was
 thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy
 slipped off his 
mother’s lap and walked over to the wheelchair.
Placing his hand on the
 man’s, he said, “I know how you feel. My Mom
 makes me ride in the 
stroller too.”

*****

As
 I was nursing my 
baby, my cousin’s six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came
 into the room. Never 
having seen anyone breast-feed before, she was intrigued
 and full of all
 kinds of questions about what I was doing. After mulling
 over my answers, she remarked, “My mom has some of those, but I don’t
 think she knows how to 
use them.”

*****

Out bicycling one
 day
 with my eight-year-old granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a
 little wistful. “In ten years,” I said, “you’ll want
 to be with your friends and you won’t go walking, biking, and swimming
 with me like you do
 now.
Carolyn shrugged.
“In ten years you’ll be too old to do all those
 things anyway.”

*****

Working as a
 pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving
 immunization shots to
children. One day, I entered the examining room to give
 four-year-old Lizzie
her injection.
“No, no,
   no!” she screamed. “Lizzie,” scolded her 
mother, “that’s not polite behavior.”
 With that, the girl
 yelled 
even louder, “No, thank you! No, thank you!”

*****

On
 the way back from a
 Cub Scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son,
 “Dad, I know 
babies come from mommies’ tummies, but how do they get
 there in the first
 place?”

After my son hemmed
 and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust, 
 “You don’t 
have to make up something, Dad. It’s okay if you
 don’t know the
 answer.”

*****

Just before I was
 deployed to Iraq , I sat my eight-year-old son down and
 broke the news to
him. “I’m going to be away for a long
 time,” I told him. 
“I’m going to Iraq.”

“Why?”
he
asked. “Don’t you know there’s a war going
 on over there?”

*****

Paul Newman founded
 the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for
 children stricken with 
cancer, AIDS, and blood diseases. One afternoon, he and
 his wife, Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with the kids. A
 counselor at a nearby 
table, suspecting the young patients wouldn’t know
 Newman was a famous
 movie star, explained, “That’s the man who
 made this camp 
possible. Maybe you’ve seen his picture on his salad
 dressing
bottle?” Blank stares. 
“Well,
 you’ve probably seen his face on his lemonade
 carton.”
An
 eight-year-old girl
   perked up. “How long was he missing?”

*****

And my personal
 favorite…

God’s Problem 
Now! 

His wife’s
 grave side
 service was just barely finished, when there was a massive
 clap of thunder, 
followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by
 even more thunder 
rumbling in the distance. The little, old man looked at
 the pastor and calmly
 said, “Well, she’s there.”

*****

Keep a SMILE on your face ~ And a SONG in
 your heart! 

A smile – is a sign of joy. A hug – is a sign of love.

 A laugh – is a sign of happiness.

 And a friend like me? – Well that’s just a sign of
 good taste! 

We’ll be friends until I am senile.

An 80-year-old Italian goes to the doctor for a check-up.  The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, ‘how do you stay in such great physical condition?’

I’m Italian and I am a golfer,’ says the old guy, ‘and that’s why I’m in such good shape.  I’m up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways.  I have a glass of vino, and all is well.’

“‘Well’ says the doctor, ‘I’m sure that helps, but there’s got to be more to it.  How old was your Father when he died?’

‘Who said my Father’s dead?’

The doctor is amazed. ‘You mean you’re 80 years old and your Father’s still alive.  How old is he?’

‘He’s 100 years old,’ says the Old Italian golfer.  ‘In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went to the beach for a walk and had a little vino and that’s why he’s still alive.  He’s Italian and he’s a golfer, too.’

‘Well,’ the doctor says, ‘that’s great, but I’m sure there’s more to it than that.  How about your Father’s Father?  How old was he when he died?’

‘Who said my Nono’s dead?’

Stunned, the doctor asks, ‘you mean you’re 80 years old and your grandfather’s still living!  Incredible, how old is he?’

‘He’s 118 years old,’ says the Old Italian golfer.

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point,  ‘So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?’

‘No, Nono couldn’t go this morning because he’s getting married today.’

At this point the doctor is close to losing it. ‘Getting married?  Why would a 118 year- old guy want to get married?

‘Who said he wanted to?’

While I sat in the
 reception area of my doctor’s office, a
 woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. 
As she went to the
 receptionist’s desk, the man sat there, alone and
 silent. Just as I was
 thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy
 slipped off his
 mother’s lap and walked over to the wheelchair.
 Placing his hand on the
 man’s, he said, “I know how you feel. My Mom
 makes me ride in the 
stroller too.”

*****

As
 I was nursing my 
baby, my cousin’s six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came
 into the room. Never 
having seen anyone breast feed before, she was intrigued
 and full of all 
kinds of questions about what I was doing. After mulling
 over my answers, she remarked, “My mom has some of those, but I don’t
 think she knows how to 
use them.”

*****

Out bicycling one
 day
 with my eight-year-old granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a
 little wistful. “In ten years,” I said, “you’ll want
 to be with your friends and you won’t go walking, biking, and swimming
 with me like you do 
now.
Carolyn shrugged.
“In ten years you’ll be too old to do all those
 things anyway.”

*****

Working as a
 pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving
 immunization shots to
children. One day, I entered the examining room to give
 four-year-old Lizzie
 her injection.
“No, no,
   no!” she screamed. “Lizzie,” scolded her 
mother, “that’s not polite behavior.”
 With that, the girl
 yelled 
even louder, “No, thank you! No, thank you!”

*****

On
 the way back from a
 Cub Scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son,
 “Dad, I know
 babies come from mommies’ tummies, but how do they get
 there in the first
 place?”

After my son hemmed
 and hawed a while, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust, 
 “You don’t 
have to make up something, Dad. It’s okay if you
 don’t know the
 answer.”

*****

Just before I was
 deployed to Iraq , I sat my eight-year-old son down and
 broke the news to
him. “I’m going to be away for a long
 time,” I told him. 
“I’m going to Iraq.”

“Why?”
he
 asked. “Don’t you know there’s a war going
 on over there?”

*****

Paul Newman founded 
the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for
 children stricken with
 cancer, AIDS, and blood diseases. One afternoon, he and
 his wife, Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with the kids. A
 counselor at a nearby 
table, suspecting the young patients wouldn’t know
 Newman was a famous
 movie star, explained, “That’s the man who
 made this camp
 possible. Maybe you’ve seen his picture on his salad
 dressing
 bottle?” Blank stares. 
“Well,
  you’ve probably seen his face on his lemonade
 carton.”
An
 eight-year-old girl
   perked up. “How long was he missing?”

*****

And my personal
 favorite…

God’s Problem 
Now! 

His wife’s
 graveside 
service was just barely finished, when there was a massive
 clap of thunder, 
followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by
 even more thunder 
rumbling in the distance. The little, old man looked at
 the pastor and calmly 
said, “Well, she’s there.”

*****

Keep a SMILE on your face ~ And a SONG in
 your heart! 

A smile – is a sign of joy. A hug – is a sign of love. 

A laugh – is a sign of happiness.

 And a friend like me? – Well that’s just a sign of
 good taste! 

We’ll be friends until I am senile.