Lexophile” is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish”, or “to write with a broken pencil is pointless.” A competition to see who can come up with the best lexphillies is held every year in an undisclosed location. This year’s winning submission is posted at the very end

• When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
• A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
• When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
• The batteries were given out free of charge.
• A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
• A will is a dead giveaway.
• With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
• A boiled egg is hard to beat.
• When you’ve seen one shopping Center you’ve seen a mall.
• Police were called to a day care Center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
• Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
• A bicycle can’t stand-alone; it is two tired.
• When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
• The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
• He had a photographic memory, which was never developed.
• When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she’d dye.
• Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.
• Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
• Acupuncture: a jab well done.
• You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

And the cream of the wretched crop.

• Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.