Commandment 1 – Marriages are made in heaven.  But then again, so is thunder and
lightning.

Commandment 2 – If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to
 every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3 – Marriage is grand — and divorce is at least a 100
 grand!

Commandment 4 – Married life is very frustrating.
 In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman
 listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
 In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors
 listen.

Commandment 5 – When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can
 be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife
 is.

Commandment 6 – Marriage is when a man and woman become as one;
 The trouble starts when they try to decide which
 one.

Commandment 7 – Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking
 about something you said. After marriage, he will
 fall asleep before you finish.

Commandment 8 – Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding,
 economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one
 wife.

Commandment 9 – Marriage and love are purely a matter of chemistry.
 That is why one treats the other like toxic
 waste.

Commandment 10 – A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is
 finished.

 BONUS COMMANDMENT STORY 

A long-married couple came upon a wishing well. 
The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a
 penny. The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned
 over too much fell into the well and
drowned. The wife was stunned for a moment, but then smiled, ‘It
 really works!’