SMART  ASS ANSWER #6

It  was mealtime during an airline flight.  ‘Would you like  dinner?’, the flight attendant  asked John, seated in front. ‘What are my choices?’ John  asked. ‘Yes or no,’ she replied. 

SMART  ASS ANSWER #5

A  flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.  As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he  opened his trench coat and flashed her.  Without missing a  beat, she said, ‘Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your  stub.’

SMART  ASS ANSWER #4

A  lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but  she couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock  boy, ‘ Do these turkeys get any bigger?’  The stock boy  replied, ‘No ma’am, they’re dead…’

SMART  ASS ANSWER #3

The  police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for  speeding rolled down his window. ‘I’ve been waiting for you all day,’  the officer said. The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as  fast as I could.’ When the cop finally stopped laughing, he  sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART  ASS ANSWER #2

A  truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that  read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in  front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up  for miles. Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of  his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and  says, ‘Got stuck, huh?’ The truck driver says, ‘No, I was  delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.’

SMART  ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR

A  college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. ‘Now  class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I  might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness,  or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses  whatsoever!’ A smart-ass student in the back of the room  raised his hand and asked, ‘What would you say if tomorrow I said I  was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?’  The  entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.  When  silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student,  shook her head and sweetly said, Well, I guess you’d have to write the  exam with your other hand.’

A  BONUS EXTRA

A  woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy  with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look  old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a  compliment.’ The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near  perfect. 
THE  HUSBAND IS NOW IN INTENSIVE CARE HOPING FOR A FULL RECOVERY.