- Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
- When I married Mr. Right, I had no idea his first name was Always.
- My wife got 8 out 10 on her driver’s test–the other two guys managed to jump out of her way.
- There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
- Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
- Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
- He who laughs last thinks slowest.
- Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
- Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
- I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
- The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have mow it.
- I like long walks, especially when they’re taken by people who annoy me.
- I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn’t find it.
- If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
- Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
- If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
- Money is the root of all wealth.
- No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
Loren Berg's Blog 