DEAR ABBY: I’ve been going steady with this man for six years. We see each other every night. He says he loves me, and I know I love him, but he never mentions marriage. Do you think he’s going out with me just for what he can get?
GERTIE
DEAR GERTIE: I don’t know. What’s he getting?

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I’d like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he’d like?
CAROL
DEAR CAROL: Never mind what he’d like. Give him a tie.

DEAR ABBY: Are birth control pills deductible?
KAY

DEAR KAY: Only if they don’t work.

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DEAR ABBY: Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a baby this big be that early?
WONDERING

DEAR WONDERING: The baby was on time, the wedding was late.

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DEAR ABBY: Do you think about dying much?
CURIOUS

DEAR CURIOUS: No, it’s the last thing I want to do.

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DEAR ABBY: Is it possible for a man to be in love with two women at the same time?
JAKE

DEAR JAKE: Yes, and also hazardous.

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DEAR ABBY: I know boys will be boys, but my ‘boy’ is seventy-three and he’s still chasing women. Any suggestions?
ANNIE

DEAR ANNIE: Don’t worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if he ever caught one, he wouldn’t know what to do with it.

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DEAR ABBY: I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can’t afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions?
SAM IN CAL.

DEAR SAM: Yes. Run for public office.

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DEAR ABBY: What inspires you most to write?
TED

DEAR TED: The Bureau of Internal Revenue.

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DEAR ABBY: When you are being introduced, is it all right to say, “I’ve heard a lot about you”?
RITA

DEAR RITA: It depends on what you’ve heard.

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DEAR ABBY: I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my age with no bad habits.
ROSE

DEAR ROSE: So would I.

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DEAR ABBY: What’s the difference between a wife and a mistress?
BESS

DEAR BESS: Night and Day.