Lexophile is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish,” or “to write with a broken pencil is pointless.”

… A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.  

… When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.  

… The batteries were given out free of charge.  

… A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.  

.. A will is a dead giveaway.  

… With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.  

… A boiled egg is hard to beat.  

… When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.  

… Police were summoned to a day-care center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.  

… Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?    He’s all right now.  

… A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.  

… When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.  

… The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.  

… He had a photographic memory which was never developed.  

… When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she’d dye.  

… Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.  
 

And the cream of the twisted crop: … Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.