Nineteen blondes go to the cinema. The ticket lady asks “Why so many of you?” Barbie replies, “The film said 18 or over.”

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and found they were $70 each. Forget it, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

I was at an A.T.M. yesterday. A little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Statistically, six out of seven dwarfs are not Happy.

My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 am. Can you believe that – 2:30 am? Lucky for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.

My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker. Well, she’s not exactly my girlfriend – yet.