I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can have sex at 73. I’m so happy because I live at number 71. So, it’s not too far to walk home afterwards. And it’s the same side of the street. I don’t even have to cross the road!  

~~~~~  

Answering machine message, “I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes.”

~~~~~

My wife and I had words, but I didn’t get to use mine.

~~~~~

Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.

~~~~~

The irony of life is that, by the time you’re old enough to know your way around, you’re not going anywhere.

~~~~~

I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.

~~~~~

Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

~~~~~  

Aspire to inspire before you expire.