“I wish more people were fluent in silence.”

Why are relationships like algebra? 
Because you look at your X and wonder Y?

“I like sleeping because it’s like being dead without the commitment.”

Since zombies feed on brains, it looks like you’re safe.

“Life is full of disappointments and I just added you to the list”

“You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions.”

If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, it’s because you’re both heading in the same direction.

“I lost your number. I lost it when I hit ‘delete.'”

“Always remember: you’re just as unique as everybody else.”

Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

“Always remember: you’re just as unique as everybody else.”

It takes patience to listen… it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.

Why shouldn’t you worry about what other people think? 
Because they don’t really do it very often.

If you’re here, who’s running hell?