An invisible man married an invisible woman. Their kids were nothing to look at either.

I didn’t think the chiropractor could improve my posture… but I stand corrected.

I took my new girlfriend to the ice rink on our first date. It was half-price night.  She called me a cheap-skate.

Studies show cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them.  It’s a case of in one ear and out the udder.

My wife claims I’m the cheapest person she’s ever met.  I’m not buying it.

Did you know that a raven has 17 rigid feathers called pinions, while a crow only has 16.  So the difference between a raven and a crow is just a matter of a pinion.

My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce.  I found out she was seeing someone on the side.

I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps.  He gave me a blank stair.

What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision?  Suture self.