1. Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.

2. What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.

3. A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.

4. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.

5. I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.

6. Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.”

7. Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.

8. What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re.

9. I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarzenegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back.”

10. What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self.