- The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
- The human brain is a wonderful thing, it starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
- Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
- Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
- If winning isn’t everything, why do they keep score?
- Whoever coined the phrase “Quiet as a mouse” has never stepped on one.
- The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth.
- What is the most important thing to learn in chemistry? Never lick the spoon.
- The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.
- A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
- You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
- Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
- The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Loren Berg's Blog 