Garfield has been a fixture of newspaper comic strips since 1978, so it’s probably safe to say the titular lazy, lasagna-loving cat has lived many more than nine lives.

Television not only gives the eyeballs something to do, but it’s a socially acceptable excuse to snack.

You know you’re getting older when your favorite late-night show is the six o’clock news.

Just what is a Monday? Monday is a day designed to add depression to an otherwise happy week.

Life is a lot like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it. But the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get.

All I ever do is eat and sleep, eat and sleep, eat and sleep. There must be more to a cat’s life than that. But, I hope not.

If I ignore the world, maybe it will go away … Except for the lasagna.

Never confuse being lazy for being apathetic. We lazy people are not apathetic. Apathetic people don’t care about anything. Lazy people care, we just don’t do anything about it.

I’d like mornings better if they started later.

The only thing active about me is my imagination.

I wish there were something I could do about the aging process. I’d do sit-ups, but I couldn’t stand the noise.

A goldfish is an aquatic expression of beauty and grace that provides its observers with many hours of blissful meditation. It also makes a darn fine breakfast.

When the lasagna content in my blood gets low, I get mean.

I’m not always right, but I’m never wrong.