Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage,  and family values.

Bill said, ‘I didn’t  sleep with my wife before we got married, did  you?’

Larry replied, ‘I’m not sure, what  was her maiden  name?’
___________________________________________

A little boy went up to his father  and asked: ‘Dad, where did my
intelligence come  from?’

The father replied. ‘Well, son, you  must have got it from your mother, cause I  still have  mine.’
___________________________________________

‘Mr.  Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,’  the divorce Court Judge said, ‘And I’ve decided  to give your wife $775 a week,’

‘That’s  very fair, your honor,’ the husband said. ‘And  every now and then I’ll try to send her a few  bucks  myself.’
___________________________________________

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, ‘I don’t like the looks of your wife At all.’

‘Me neither doc,’ said the husband. ‘But she’s a great cook and really good with the kids.’
___________________________________________

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has Been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, ‘Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.’

The old  man says without hesitation, ‘I now pronounce you  man and wife.’
___________________________________________

Two Reasons Why It’s So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:

1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records
___________________________________________

A  blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, ‘Can you  tell me how long it’ll take to fly from  San Francisco  to   New York City  ?’

The agent replies, ‘Just a  minute.’

‘Thank you,’ the blonde says, and  hangs  up.
___________________________________________

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

‘How was he killed?’ asked one  detective.

‘With a golf gun,’ the other detective replied.

‘A golf gun! What is a golf gun?’

‘I don’t know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.’
___________________________________________

Moe:  ‘My wife got me to believe in religion.’

Joe: ‘Really?’

Moe:  ‘Yeah. Until I married her I didn’t believe in Hell.’
___________________________________________

A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.

‘I’m O. K. But I didn’t like the four letter-words the doctor used in
Surgery,’ he answered.

‘What did he say,’ asked the nurse.

‘Oops!’
___________________________________________

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband’s Advice.

‘What do you think?’ I asked. ‘Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?’

‘Better get a bikini,’ he replied. ‘You’d never get it all in one.’

He’s still in intensive care.
___________________________________________

The graveside service just barely  finished, when there was massive clap of  thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance…

The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, ‘Well, she’s
There.’