At A Chinese Restaurant

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the ‘Chicken Surprise’. The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around, before the lid slams back down.

‘Good grief, did you see that?’ she asks her husband. He hadn’t, so she asks him to look in the pot.

He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes, looking around before it slams down.

Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

‘Please sir,’ says the waiter, ‘what you order?’

The husband replies, ‘Chicken Surprise.’

(You’re going to love this, and you’re going to hate yourself for loving it!…)

‘Ah! So sorry,’ says the waiter, ‘I bring you Peeking Duck by mistake’……

Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in Manhattan walks to the corner where a shoeshine is always located.

He sits on the couch, examines the Wall Street Journal, and the shoe shine gives his shoes a shiny, excellent look.

One morning the shoeshine asks the Executive Director: – What do you think about the situation in the stock market?

The Director asks in turn arrogantly: – Why are you so interested in that – that topic?

“I have a million dollars in your bank,” the shoeshine says, “and I’m considering investing some of the money in the capital market.”

What’s your name?  Asks the Director? John Smith H.

The Director arrives at the bank and asks the Manager of the Customer Department: Do we have a client named John Smith H.? Certainly –answers the Customer Service Manager–, he is a highly esteemed customer.  He has a million dollars in his account.

The Director comes out, approaches the shoeshine, and says: Mr. Smith, I ask you this coming Monday to be the guest of honor at our board meeting and tell us the story of your life.  I am sure we will have something to learn from you.

At the board meeting, the Executive Director introduces him to the

board members: We all know Mr. Smith, who makes our shoes shine in the corner; But Mr. Smith is also our esteemed customer with a million dollars in his account.  I invited him to tell us the story of his life.  I am sure we can learn from him.

Mr. Smith began his story: I came to this country fifty years ago as a young immigrant from

Europe with an unpronounceable name.  I got off the ship without a penny.  The first thing I did was change my name to Smith.  I was hungry and exhausted.  I started wandering around looking for a job but to no avail.  Suddenly I found a coin on the sidewalk.  I bought an apple.  I had two options: eat the apple and quench my hunger or start a business.  I sold the apple for two dollars and bought two apples with the money.  I also sold them and continued in business.

When I started accumulating dollars, I was able to buy a set of used brushes and shoe polish and started polishing shoes.  I didn’t spend a penny on entertainment or clothing, I just bought bread and some cheese to survive.  I saved penny by penny and after a while, I bought a new set of shoe brushes and ointments in different shades and expanded my clientele.  I lived like a monk and saved penny by penny. After a while I was able to buy an armchair so that my clients could sit comfortably while cleaning their shoes, and that brought me more clients.  I did not spend a penny on the joys of life.  I kept saving every penny.  A few years ago, when the previous shoeshine on the corner decided to retire, I had already saved enough money to buy his shoeshine location at this great place.

Finally, three months ago, my sister, who was a whore in Chicago, passed away and left me a million dollars.

A man walked into the lady’s department of a Macy ‘s and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, “I’d like to buy a bra for my wife. ” ” What type of bra?” asked the clerk.

” Type?” inquires the man, “There’s more than one type?”

” Look around,” said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.

“Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from.”

Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied:

• There are the Catholic,
• The Salvation Army,
• The Presbyterian,
• And the Baptist types.

Which one would you prefer?”

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them. The Saleslady responded, “It is all really quite simple. …

• The Catholic type supports the masses;
• The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;
• The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright; and
• The Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills.”

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn’t figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

• (A} Almost Boobs…
• {B} Barely there…
• {C} Can’t Complain!…
• (D} Dang!…
• {DD} Double dang!…
• (E} Enormous!…
• {F} Fake…
• {G} Get a Reduction…
• {H} Help me, I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up!…

Send this to all that will appreciate it!

They forgot the German bra. – Holtzemfromfloppen

A new and easy test for the horror of Covid 19 is doing the rounds and it’s simple, quick and positive (or negative if you see what I mean). Take a glass and pour a decent dram of your favorite whisky into it; then see if you can smell it. If you can, then you are halfway there.

Then drink it. If you can taste it then it is reasonable to assume you are currently free of the virus because the loss of the sense of smell and taste is a common symptom.

I tested myself 7 times last night and was virus free every time, thank goodness.

I will have to test myself again today because I have developed a throbbing headache which can also be one of the symptoms.

 I’ll report my results later.

Prior to her trip to America, Carol (a blonde chick from England ), confided to her coworkers and friends she had three goals for her trip;

• She wanted to taste some real western Bar-B-Q.
• She wanted to take in a bona fide rodeo…And…
• She wanted to have sex with a local cowboy.

Upon her return, the girls were curious as to how she fared.

‘Let me tell you, they have beef to die for, and when they Bar-B-Q it, the taste is unbelievable!’

‘And I went to a real rodeo. Talk about athletes…Those guys wrestle full grown bulls! They ride horses at a full gallop, then jump off the horses and grab the bull by the horns and throw them to the ground! It is just incredible!’

Then came the big question, ‘Well tell us, did you have sex with a real cowboy?’

‘Are you kidding me? When I saw the size of the condoms they carry in their back pockets I changed my freakin’ mind!’

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