As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the back country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man,
I didn’t stop for directions.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and
the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left
and they were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the
grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know
what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played
out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like
I’ve never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept,
I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and
started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen
nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

Apparently, I’m still lost… It’s a man thing!

Laughter is the BEST MEDICINE!

Please pass this along and make someone smile today!

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him. She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, “I hope I haven’t made you feel ill at ease; it’s just that you look so much like my late son.”

He answered, “That’s okay.” She then said, “I know it’s silly, but if you’d call out ‘ Good bye, Mom’ as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy.”

She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, “Goodbye, Mom.” The little old lady waved and smiled back at him.

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone’s day, he went to pay for his groceries. “That comes to $121.85,”said the clerk.

“How come so much? I only bought 5 items.”

The clerk replied, “Yeah, but your Mother said you’d be paying for her things, too.”

Bet you thought this was going to be a tear jerker. Don’t trust Little Old Ladies!!!

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich,  begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says,’Kin ya swallar?’

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, ‘Kin ya breathe?’

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says, ‘Ya know, I’d heerd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’ but I ain’t niver seed nobody do it!’

If you don’t send this to five friends, there will be five fewer people laughing in the world! 

A social worker from Ottawa recently transferred to rural Newfoundland and was on the first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life. Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door.

“Anybody home?” she asked.

“Yep,” came a kid’s voice through the door.

“Is your father there?” asked the social worker.

“Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in,” said the kid.

“Well, is your mother there?” persisted the social worker.

“Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here,” said the kid.

“But,” protested the social worker, (thinking that surely, she will need to intervene in this situation) “are you never together as a family?”

“Sure, but not here,” said the kid through the door. “This is the outhouse!”

Government workers are so very smart. Aren’t you overjoyed that they’ll soon be handling all our financial, educational and medical dilemmas?

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other.  He says to the waiter: “Want coffee.”

The waiter says, “Sure. Coming right up.” He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other.  He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter: “Want coffee.”

The waiter says “Whoa! We’re still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?” The Indian smiles and proudly says,  “Training for position in United States Congress:  Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave shit for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.”