Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city.   One asked the other, “Did your son go back to college yet?”   

“Two days ago.”  

“Hm. Mine’s a senior this year, so it’s almost over. In May, he’ll be an engineer. What’s your boy going to be when he gets out of college?”   

“At the rate he’s going, I’d say he’ll be about thirty.”   

“No, I mean what’s he taking in college?”   

“He’s taking every penny I make.”  

“Doesn’t he burn the midnight oil enough?”   

“He doesn’t get in early enough to burn the midnight oil.”   

“Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?”   

“Sure has! It’s totally cured his mother of bragging about him!”

An avid golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him. “I have some good news and some bad news,” says the surgeon. “The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!” “Oh God no!” cries the man. “My golfing is over! Please Doc, what’s the good news?”

“The good news is… I have another one to replace it with, but it’s a woman’s arm and I’ll need your permission before I can go ahead with the transplant.” “Go for it doc,” says the man, “as long as I can play golf again.”

The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.

“Hi, how’s the new arm?” asks the surgeon.

“Just great,” says the golfer. “I’m playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch, and my putting has really improved.”

“That’s great,” said the surgeon. “Not only that,” continued the golfer, “my handwriting has improved, I’ve learned how to sew my own clothes and I’ve even taken up painting landscapes in watercolors.”

“That’s unbelievable!” said the surgeon, “I’m so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side effects?”

“Well, just two, said the golfer, “I have trouble parallel parking, and every time I get an erection I also get a headache.

Bob’s Annual Review:

1.  Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found

2.  hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without

3.  wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never

4.  thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always

5.  finishes given assignments on time. Often, he takes extended

6.  measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee

7.  breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no

8.  vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound

9.  knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be

10.  classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be

11.  dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be

12.  promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be

13.  executed as soon as possible.

Addendum: That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd lines.