I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can have sex at 73. I’m so happy because I live at number 71. So, it’s not too far to walk home afterwards. And it’s the same side of the street. I don’t even have to cross the road!  

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Answering machine message, “I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes.”

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My wife and I had words, but I didn’t get to use mine.

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Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.

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The irony of life is that, by the time you’re old enough to know your way around, you’re not going anywhere.

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I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.

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Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

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Aspire to inspire before you expire.

Here’s a little fact for automotive buffs, or just to dazzle your friends.

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946 , the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.

The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford’s office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.

Henry was curious and invited them into his office.

They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.

They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.

The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.

The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, ‘The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,’ on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.

Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Jewish, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg’s name on two million Fords.

They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.

 And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show —

Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max — on the controls.

Control yourself !

Just forward it on .

This is what happens when you are retired and have too much time on your hands !

A 2nd Grade Class had a homework assignment to find out something exciting and to relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came to present what they’d found, the first student went to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down.

Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was.  ‘It’s a period,’ he replied.

‘I can see that,’ said the teacher, ‘but what is so exciting about a period?’

‘Darned if I know,’ chirped the little boy, ‘But this morning my sister said she was missing one, my mother fainted, my dad took out his gun, and the boy next door joined the Navy.