Brian lives in San Luis Obispo, California. He was sick of the world, sick of COVID, Trump, the “My Pillow” guy, Russia, China, global warming, street crime, fentanyl, illegal immigrants, racial tensions, and the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy media headlines.
Brian drove his car into his garage and then sealed every doorway and window, as best he could. He got back into his car, wound down all the windows, selected his favorite radio station, started the car and revved it to a slow idle.
Five days later, a worried neighbor peered through his garage window and saw him in the car. She notified the emergency services, and they broke in, pulling Brian from the car. A little sip of water and, surprisingly, he was in perfect condition, but his Tesla had a dead battery.
On his death bed they asked him where he wanted to be buried. His answer was, “Surprise me.”
I had forgotten that he lived to be 100, and also didn’t realize it has been 20 years since he died. I Always enjoyed him, his movies, and his show. He touched a lot of lives during his life. Thought you might enjoy a bit of memory touching. Enjoy and recall a neat comedian. For those of you too young to remember Bob Hope, ask your Grandparents and thanks for the memories.
Bob Hope In Heaven With Bing Crosby
A Tribute To All Of The Trips And Presentations Bob Make For Our Troops
I HOPE THIS WILL PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART. This is a tribute to a man who DID make a difference.
ON TURNING 70 ‘I still chase women, but only downhill.’
ON TURNING 80 ‘That’s the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.’
ON TURNING 90 ‘You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.’
ON TURNING 100 ‘I don’t feel old. In fact, I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.’
ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING ‘I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.’
ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR ‘Welcome to the Academy Awards, or as it’s called at my home, ‘Passover.’
ON GOLF ‘Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.’
ON PRESIDENTS ‘I have performed for 12 presidents but entertained only six.’
ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER ‘When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, Congratulations, you have an eight pound ham.’
ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL ‘I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.’
ON HIS FAMILY’S EARLY POVERTY ‘Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.’
ON HIS SIX BROTHERS ‘That’s how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.’
ON HIS EARLY FAILURES ‘I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn’t for the stuff the audience threw at me.’
ON GOING TO HEAVEN ‘I’ve done benefits for ALL religions. I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.’
To the person receiving this, please have the grace to pass it on to others who have not seen the e-mail.
Johnny asks his dad how a country runs. His dad thinks and replies, ‘Well, it’s like this. I earn the money in the house, so I’m the rich. Your mom takes care of running the home, so she is the government. The maid is the working class, and your baby brother is the future. And finally, you Johnny, are the average citizen.’
That night Johnny is woken up by his baby brother’s cries. He goes to the crib and notices that his brother has soiled his diapers. He runs to his mom and finds her fast asleep. He then goes to the maid’s room and finds her in bed with his father. He returns to his bed.
The next day Johnny tells his dad that he has the working of a country all figured out. His dad asks him to explain.
“A country is where an average citizen can’t get proper sleep as the rich are screwing the working class, the government is fast asleep and the future is full of shit,” Johnny explains.
A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.
So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.
“Pardon me, sir, I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN. What’s your name?
“Morris Feinberg,” he re
Morris Feinberg,” he replied.
“Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?”
“For about 60 years.”
“60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”
“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims.”
“I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop.”
“I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man.”
“I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests.”
A famous and successful professional golfer died and was up before God for judgment. He was met by St. Peter at the Gates of Heaven who greeted him.
“You were a great golfer, but before you meet God, I thought I should tell you that other than your great golf career, you really didn’t do anything for the common good or for the bad, so we’re not sure what to do with you,” St. Peter said. “We don’t have any golf courses in heaven, but what particularly did you do on earth that was good?”
The golfer pondered for a bit and said, “Once after playing a golf tournament in California, I was driving back to the hotel and there in the parking lot, I saw a young woman being tormented by a group of Hell’s Angels — you know, revving their engines, circling her and taunting her with obscenities.”
“Go on,” said St. Peter.
“So I stopped and got out of my car with my 5-iron and went up to the leader — the biggest guy there. He was much bigger than me, very muscular, had tattoos all over, a scar on his face and a ring in his nose. Well, I put my index finger in his nose ring and tore it out of his nose. Then I told him and the rest of them they’d better stop bothering this woman or they all would get more of the same!”
“Wow, that’s very impressive,” St. Peter replied. “When did this happen?”
Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.
The FIRST patient is examined within the hour and has an x-ray in the office right away. The X-ray is reviewed, and a time is immediately booked for surgery the following week.
The SECOND sees his family doctor after waiting 2 weeks for an appointment. Gets an X-ray at a lab the following week.
There is a two-week waiting period to have the X-ray reviewed and a report sent to the doctor.
Then there is a 8 week wait to see a specialist.
Finally, the patient has their surgery scheduled for 16 months from then.
An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with a Tempo Mach 2 appears.
The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: “Airbus, boring flight isn’t it? Now have a look here!”
He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, and then swoops down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the Airbus and asks: “Well, how was that?”
The Airbus pilot answers: “Very impressive, but watch this!”
The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly straight, at the same speed. After 15 minutes, the Airbus pilot radios, “Well, how was that?
Confused, the jet pilot asks, “What did you do?”
The AirBus pilot laughs and says: “I got up, stretched my legs, walked to the back of the aircraft to use the washroom, then got a cup of coffee and a chocolate fudge pastry.”
The moral of the story is: When you’re young, speed and adrenaline seems to be great. But as you get older and wiser, you learn that comfort and peace are more important.
This is called S.O.S.: Slower, Older and Smarter.
Dedicated to all my Friends ~ it’s time to slow down and enjoy the rest of the trip.
Loren Berg's Blog 