Life is not the way it’s supposed to be – it’s the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.”

After his plane was hit and he was forced to eject, the Marine Corps fighter pilot finally regained consciousness.

He was in a hospital, in a lot of pain. He found himself in the ICU with tubes/IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function and a nurse hovering over him, looking worried.

It was obvious he was in a life-threatening situation.

The nurse gave him a serious look, straight into his eyes. Knowing he was not only a fighter pilot, but a Marine, she spoke to him softly and slowly, enunciating each word: “You may not feel anything from the waist down.”

Somehow, he managed to mumble in reply, “Can I feel your tits, then?”

And that, my friends, is a real positive attitude.

An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination the same day, so they could travel together.

After the examination, the doctor then said to the elderly man “You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?”

“In fact, I do”, said the man. “After I have sex with my wife for the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after I have sex with my wife the second time, I am usually cold and chilly.”

“This is very interesting”, replied the doctor. “Let me do some research and get back to you.”

After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said “Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?”

The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.

The doctor then said, “Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?”

“Oh that old buzzard!” she replied. “That’s because the first time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December!!!”

Here are three interesting facts about the Hoover Dam Bridge (officially the Mike O’Callaghan–Pat Tillman Memorial Bridge):

Record-breaking arch: The bridge boasts the widest concrete arch in the entire Western Hemisphere! This massive arch stretches 1,060 feet and is designed to be incredibly stable.

First of its kind: The Hoover Dam Bridge is a true engineering marvel. It holds the title of the first concrete-steel composite arch bridge ever built in the United States. This unique design combines the strength of concrete with the flexibility of steel.

High flyer (with a view): Not only is the bridge an impressive feat of engineering, but it also offers stunning views. Towering 890 feet above the Colorado River, it’s the second-highest bridge in the entire United States! The bridge even features a pedestrian walkway, allowing visitors to experience the breathtaking scenery firsthand.

Beverly is 90 years old and has been playing golf every day since she retired 25 years ago. One afternoon, she comes home looking downcast. “That’s it,” she tells her husband. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight is so poor that once I hit the ball, I can’t even see where it goes.”

Her husband, Gus, makes her a comforting cup of tea and suggests, “Why don’t you take me with you and give it one more try?”

“That won’t help,” sighs Beverly. “You’re a hundred and three! You can’t be of any assistance!”

“I may be a hundred and three,” Gus replies, “but my eyesight is perfect.”

The next day, Beverly decides to take Gus to the golf course. She tees up, takes a mighty swing, and squints down the fairway. Turning to her husband, she asks, “Did you see the ball?”

“Of course!” Gus replies confidently. “I have perfect eyesight.”

“Then where did it go?” Beverly inquires.

Gus thinks for a moment and says, “I don’t remember.”

Ma and Pa were two old hillbillies living on a farm up in the hills. One day, Pa discovered that the hole under the outhouse was full. Unsure of what to do, he went inside and told Ma about his dilemma.

“Why don’t you go ask the young’n down the road?” Ma suggested. “He must be smart; he’s a college gradjyate.”

So, Pa drove down to the neighbor’s house and asked, “Mr. College Gradjyate, my outhouse hole is full, and I don’t know how to empty it.”

The young man replied, “Get yourself two sticks of dynamite—one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. Place them both under the outhouse and light them at the same time. The first one will shoot the outhouse into the air, and while it’s up, the second one will explode and spread the poop all over your farm, fertilizing the ground. The outhouse should come back down right on top of the now-empty hole.”

Thanking the neighbor, Pa drove to the hardware store and picked up two sticks of dynamite: one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. He went home, set them up under the outhouse, lit them, and ran behind a tree for safety.

Suddenly, Ma came rushing out of the house and dashed into the outhouse just as the first stick of dynamite went off, launching it into the air. BOOM! The second stick detonated, spreading poop all over the farm. Then, WHAM! The outhouse came crashing back down right atop the hole.

Pa sprinted to the outhouse, flung open the door, and called out, “Ma, are you all right?”

As she pulled up her panties, she replied, “Yeah, but I’m sure glad I didn’t fart in the kitchen!”