A wife was peacefully frying eggs for breakfast when her husband suddenly charged into the kitchen like a man on a mission.

“Careful! CAREFUL!” he yelled, eyes wide with panic. “Add more butter! Oh my GOD! You’re cooking too many eggs at once! TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!”

The wife blinked in confusion as he continued his dramatic performance.

“We need more butter! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to stick! Careful, CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry! Are you CRAZY? Have you lost your mind? And don’t forget the salt! You always forget the salt! Use the salt! THE SALT!”

His wife stopped, spatula mid-air, and stared at him. “What is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry eggs?”

Her husband, with a smirk, replied calmly, “I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”

He is now recovering in a hospital.

There were two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years.

One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. The two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered his courage to ask her, “Will you marry me?”

After about six seconds of ‘careful consideration,’ she answered. “Yes. Yes, I will.”

The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. The next morning, he was troubled. “Did she say ‘yes’ or did she say ‘no’?” He couldn’t remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained that he didn’t remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.

As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, “When I asked if you would marry me, did you say ‘Yes’ or did you say ‘No’?”

He was delighted to hear her say, “Why, I said, ‘Yes, yes I will’ and I meant it with all my heart.” Then she continued, “I am so glad that you called because I couldn’t remember who had asked me.”

An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol.

“Ma’am, did you know you were speeding?” the officer said.

The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?”

“He said you were speeding!” the old man yelled.

The patrolman then asked, “May I see your license?”

The woman turned to her husband again, “What did he say?”

The old man yelled back, “He wants to see your license!”

The woman then gave the officer her license.

“I see you are from Arkansas,” the patrolman said. “I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen.”

The woman turned to her husband again and asked, “What did he say?”

The old man replied, “He said he knows you!”

Every Sunday a little old lady placed $1,000 in the collection plate. It went on for weeks until the priest, overcome with curiosity, approached her.

“My dear, I couldn’t help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate,” he said.

“Why yes,” she replied, “every week my son sends me money, and what I don’t need I give to the church.”

“That’s wonderful. How much does he send you?” the priest asked. “He sends me $2,000 a week,” she replied proudly.

“Your son is very successful,” said the priest. “What does he do for a living?”

“He is a veterinarian,” she answered. “That is a very honorable profession,” the priest assured her.

“Where does he practice?”

“Well, she replied, “he has one cat house in Kansas City and another in New Orleans

A few days ago I was tooling along through a neighborhood on my wheelchair when I noticed a young boy sitting on the retaining wall in front of his house, crying as if his heart was breaking.

I pulled alongside the youngster and asked, “Son, what’s the matter? Why are you crying so?”

“I’m… cry… crying ’cause I can’t do what my 20-year-old brother does,” he said.

So I sat there and cried with him.