A Member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.” “That depends, Sir, ” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”

“He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.” – Winston Churchill, in response

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” -Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” -William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading It.” – Moses Hada

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of It.” – Mark Twain

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” – Mark Twain

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” – Oscar Wilde

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” – Oscar Wilde

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” – Stephen Bishop

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” – John Bright

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” – Irvin S. Cobb

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” – Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” – Charles, Count Talleyrand

“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” – Forrest Tucker

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.” – Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” – Billy Wilder

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I’m afraid this wasn’t It.” – Groucho Marx

”His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” – Mae West

”When I’m good I’m very good, when I’m bad, I’m even better.” – Mae West

The Oseberg cart, discovered in the Oseberg Ship, is the only complete Viking Age wagon ever found. The ship, dating from the mid 9th century, is considered one of the most lavish relics of a Viking burial. It was discovered in a burial mound in Oseberg, near the Oslo Fjord in Norway. The wagon is made of beech and oak and is about two meters long and one meter wide. The wagon box, which sits loosely on the chassis, is decorated with men’s heads and people fighting snakes and strange animals. This discovery provides valuable insights into the craftsmanship, culture, and lifestyle of the Vikings during that era. It’s a testament to the advanced woodworking skills and artistic sensibilities of the Viking people.

The Second Class Saloon Nome, AK. July 1st, 1901

The “Three Lucky Swedes” – Jafet Lindeberg, Erik Lindblom, and John Brynteson – who stumbled upon a lucrative gold deposit on Anvil Creek in 1898 ignited a frenzied gold rush to the area. Word of this extraordinary find swiftly traversed the Klondike gold fields during that winter, leading to the establishment of Anvil City by 1899, a settlement that proudly housed a population of 10,000.

However, the real excitement was yet to unfold. In 1899, rumors circulated about gold concealed in the beach sands, attracting the world’s attention beyond. This triggered a massive stampede, with thousands of fortune seekers going to Nome from distant ports like Seattle and San Francisco. The landscape transformed as tents sprouted across the vast expanse, stretching along the 30-mile stretch between Cape Rodney and Cape Nome. Driven by determination, Pioneers began constructing structures from finished board lumber as early as 1899.

The zenith of Nome’s bustling mining town occurred in the early 1900s, marking its ascendancy as Alaska’s largest city. While estimates suggested a population of 20,000, the official 1900 record reported an impressive figure of 12,488. Notably, one-third of all recorded white inhabitants of Alaska called Nome home, as per the U.S. Census.

Unfortunately, the grandeur of Nome’s gold rush architecture was marred by the ravages of fire and the fury of violent storms. Little remains of that captivating era today, but the surviving remnants bear traces of the ornate Victorian style that charmed many during the gold rush.

Presently, the resilient inhabitants of Nome have diversified their livelihoods, no longer dependent solely on gold panning and rocking. The legacy of the gold rush endures, albeit as a fraction of the vibrant tapestry that comprises Nome’s captivating history. Over the past century, a rich flow of people and events has shaped the contemporary community of Nome. Explore more about the historic Nome to delve deeper into its intriguing past.

#1
I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair. She turned to me and asked, “Are you having it catered?”  And that, my friend, is the sad definition of “OLD”

#2
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, “How old was your husband?” “98,” she replied: “Two years older than me”.  “So you’re 96,” the undertaker commented.  She responded, “Hardly worth going home, is it?”

#3
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: “And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?” the reporter asked. She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”

#4
I’ve sure gotten old!  I have outlived my feet and my teeth I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver’s license.

#5
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

#6
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. “Wal-Mart?” the preacher exclaimed. “Why Wal-Mart??”  “Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week”

#7
My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.

#8
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

#9
It’s scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

#10
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, ‘For fast relief.’

#11
THE SENILITY PRAYER: 

Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.

One day while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck and cut him off couple of times. The truck driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.This time the blonde laughed even harder. Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what’s so fucking funny.The blonde giggled and replied, “Every time you had your back turned, I stepped outside the circle!”

I’m sure that Burma Shave saved some lives. People laughed and then were more careful! It was a REAL “service” to America, even though it was an advertisement, and it was one of rh RARE “really useful” ones.

For those who never saw any of the Burma Shave signs, here is a quick lesson in our history of the 1930’s and ’40’s.

Before there were interstates, when everyone drove the old 2 lane roads, Burma Shave signs would be posted all over the countryside in farmers’ fields.  They were small red signs with white letters. Five signs, about 100 feet apart, each containing 1 line of a 4-line couplet… and the obligatory 5th sign advertising Burma Shave, a popular shaving cream.

Don’t Stick Your Elbow
Out So Far
It May Go Home
In Another Car. 
Burma Shave

Trains Don’t Wander
All Over The Map
‘Cause Nobody Sits
In The Engineer’s Lap. 
Burma Shave

She Kissed The Hairbrush
By Mistake
She Thought It Was
Her Husband Jake. 
Burma Shave

Don’t Lose Your Head
To Gain A Minute
You Need Your Head
Your Brains Are In It. 
Burma Shave

Drove Too Long
Driver Snoozing
What Happened Next
Is Not Amusing. 
Burma Shave

Brother Speeder
Let’s Rehearse
All Together
Good Morning, Nurse. 
Burma Shave

Cautious Rider
To Her Reckless Dear
Let’s Have Less Bull
And A Little More Steer.
Burma Shave

Speed Was High
Weather Was Not
Tires Were Thin
X Marks The Spot.
Burma Shave

The Midnight Ride
Of Paul For Beer
Led To A Warmer
Hemisphere.
Burma Shave

Around The Curve
Lickety-Split
Beautiful Car
Wasn’t It?
Burma Shave

No Matter The Price
No Matter How New
The Best Safety Device
In The Car Is You.
Burma Shave

A Guy Who Drives
A Car Wide Open
Is Not Thinkin’
He’s Just Hopin’
Burma Shave

At Intersections
Look Each Way
A Harp Sounds Nice
But It’s Hard To Play.
Burma Shave

Both Hands On The Wheel
Eyes On The Road
That’s The Skillful
Driver’s Code.
Burma Shave

The One Who Drives
When He’s Been Drinking
Depends On You
To Do His Thinking.
Burma Shave

Car In Ditch
Driver In Tree
The Moon Was Full
And So Was He.
Burma Shave

Passing School Zone
Take It Slow
Let Our Little
Shavers Grow.
Burma Shave

Do these bring back any old memories? If not, you’re merely a child…

If they do…..then you’re old as dirt. LIKE ME! I loved reading them….send to an old GOAT that you know …bring a smile to a retired person..

1. My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take PE today. Please execute him

2. Please exkuce Lisa for being absent she was sick and I had her shot.

3. Dear school: please ecsc’s john being absent on Jan.. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.

4. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

5. Please excuse Roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10. Please excuse ray Friday from school… He has very loose vowels.

11. Please excuse Lesli from being absent yesterday.  She had the shits.

12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday.  He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.

13.  Irving  was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

14. Please excuse jimmy for being.  It was his father’s fault.

15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don’t know what size she wear

16. Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever… There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

17. Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired.  She spent a weekend with the marines.

19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

20. Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday.  She was in bed with gramps.

21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

22. Please excuse Brenda.  She has been sick and under the doctor.

 And the best one yet

23. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday.  We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday. We thought it was Sunday.

Now we know why parents are screaming for better education for our kids.

There has always been an attraction for golfers towards the hallowed grounds of Augusta National. The Masters is one of the most unusual events in sports. It’s all about tradition, and it’s defined by a set of old rules and customs that just do not exist in other tournaments. To commemorate such an amazing place, I have collected some of the most interesting facts about Augusta National, that you can share with your friends.

1. In the Beginning
The Masters as we know it would never have been, if the USGA hadn’t turned down Bobby Jones’ request to host the 1934 US Open. Angry at the rebuff, Jones and Clifford Roberts decided to stage their own event.

2. Bitter Sweet
Course architect, Alister McKenzie, never saw his famous course completed. He died January 6th 1934, just 2 months before the Inaugural Masters Tournament.

3. The Language
You should never hear the word “championship” on the telecast. The U.S. Open, British Open, and PGA are championships held by the major ruling and organizing bodies of the sport (or a vestige thereof in the case of the PGA). The Masters is an invitational tournament held at a very pretty golf course, given prestige by the involvement of Bobby Jones. The winner is not the champion of anything.

Other words you shouldn’t hear: “fans,” “bleachers,” “sand traps,” “front/back nine.” The officially preferred words are “patrons,” “observation stands,” “bunkers,” and “first/second nine.” That last distinction is aimed at avoiding use of the phrase “front side” for the first nine holes, leading inevitably to the so, so vulgar “back side” for the next nine.

4. Respect
Some amateurs have always been invited to the Masters, out of respect for the career of club founder Bobby Jones. But Jones himself was no longer considered an amateur by the USGA by the time Augusta National opened. He never competed for prize money, but his equipment deals and Hollywood instructional short films made him a professional in the eyes of all, except for the eyes of the Masters hierarchy, of which he was a part of.

5. Ahhh…the Green Jacket
If you just happen to be the winner of the Masters, you get the honor of topping off the standard ensemble with a shamrock green blazer. Professional golf’s version of a beauty queen crowning ceremony, the presenting of the Green Jacket by the previous year’s champion to the current champion at the conclusion of the tournament dates back to 1949, when Sam Snead won the Masters. However, the signature jackets started appearing at Augusta National 12 years prior, when members started sporting them during the tournament so that they would be easily identifiable by patrons in need of assistance or directions. Also, when a member hosts guests in the clubhouse, the green jacket designates who gets the bill. The Masters website has more on the sartorial back story:

“The club purchased the Jackets from the Brooks Uniform Company in New York and urged members to buy and wear them at the Masters. Initially, the idea met a lukewarm reception from the membership, for the heft of the coats made them warm to wear during a typical April in Augusta. Within a few years, the Club introduced a lighter-weight version more suited to the season. Today’s single-breasted, single-vent Jacket bears the Club’s logo on the left chest pocket and on the brass buttons adorning the front of the coat and each sleeve. The unmistakable color is known, simply, as Masters Green.”

So does the Masters winner get to take home that fetching piece of outerwear? He sure does. After the presentation ceremony, a custom version of the Green Jacket is tailored to the champ’s exact measurements and he gets to call it his own for an entire year. So, to be clear, a single jacket isn’t passed on from winner to winner. During the following year’s tournament, he must return to Augusta National and relinquish the Green Jacket, at which point it’s placed in a locker but available any time he returns to play at the club. Seve Ballesteros famously challenged the decision by saying to the Augusta committee: “If they want it, they can fly to Spain and come and get it.”

6. The Template
The Masters invented the template for what we know as tournament golf. It was the first 72-hole four-day event and the first to use the over/under par system. The Masters also saw the first grandstands for viewers.

7. Strict but Polite
The level of respect that the patrons of The Master’s have is only surpassed by their understanding of the game. It is awesome to witness. In the 10+ years I have been to this tournament, I have never seen a single spectator get out of line, say something in appropriate or make a scene. It is as if everyone has collectively agreed to be on their best behavior. There is no need for marshals to hold “Quiet Please” signs because everyone respects the tournament so much.

As mentioned earlier, they are not fans, they are not a crowd or even a gallery. They are patrons. You’ll hear it often during the CBS broadcast. Also, while on the grounds, patrons are told not to run. Walking only.

If you watch any pro tournament, behind the golfers you’ll see a cadre of sign-bearers, reporters, photographers, broadcast personnel and cameramen. Not at Augusta. Between the ropes, competitors, caddies, and rules officials only.

Patrons who show up early and place their chairs and leave will find their chairs waiting for them when they return. Try that at any other PGA event and let me know what happens!

More than 40 years ago, during one tense moment, CBS commentator Jack Whitaker used the term “mob” to describe the scene around a green. The Masters leadership let his bosses know that he wouldn’t be invited back, and he wasn’t.

8. Value
It’s one of the best-kept numbers in sports—the initiation fee to Augusta National. With barons like Warren Buffett and Bill Gates, among others, as members it goes without saying that money isn’t the object. And it isn’t. To join is reportedly under $100,000, which might be one-tenth of other high profile clubs in the country. And if you were lucky enough to play the course with a member, you can probably afford it. Guest fees are said to be about $40.

9. The Reagan Appointment
On October 23, 1983, President Ronald Reagan was playing at Augusta National as a guest of his secretary of state (and club member) George Schultz when his round was interrupted at the 16th hole by a disgruntled local named Charles Harris, who had crashed his truck through the gate and was demanding to see the President. Harris held hostages at gunpoint in the pro shop for two hours before Secret Service agents subdued him.

10. Clifford Roberts’ Demise
Augusta National’s co-founder Clifford Roberts, a quiet investor turned autocrat, was at turns beloved and despised. In the fall of 1977, at age 83 and in failing health, Roberts walked to a slope next to Ike’s Pond and ended his own life with a single pistol shot to the temple.

11. The Crow’s Nest
Located above the main clubhouse at Augusta, this is where the amateurs stay for the Masters week. Bobby Jones spawned the idea and the rest is quite literally history, lots of it. Eight youngsters who stayed in this infamous bedroom and gone on to win the green jacket; Nicklaus, Aaron, Watson, Crenshaw, Stadler, O’Meara, Mickelson and Woods – that’s quite a list. There are four beds, a bathroom and a living area which is lined with paintings of historical moments at the Masters and books about the history of the game.

12. Sweet Georgia Peaches
The history of Augusta is much more than golf; it was once home to Fruitland Nurseries. Owned and operated by P.J. Berckmans and his family the nursery was one of the most successful horticultural sites of its time in the South. Located on Washington Road, approximately 3 miles northwest of downtown Augusta, Fruitland planted millions of peach trees in the 1800s and early 1900s and made Georgia famous for its sweet Georgia peaches. In 1931, the land was purchased and transformed into the most famous golf course in the world, Augusta National. The Berckmans’ family home still remains on the Augusta National property and serves as the clubhouse..