During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, “How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in a care home?”

“Well,” he said, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the person and ask them to empty the bathtub,”

“Oh, I understand, “I said. ” A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”

“No,” he said.  “A normal person would pull the plug.  Do you prefer a bed near the window?”

(ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON – or do you want the bed next to mine?)

Linus, the gentle, security blanket-carrying philosopher, is the smartest kid on the block and is often the voice of reason in the neighborhood, even if he firmly believes in the Great Pumpkin.

Many have tried to separate Linus from his beloved blanket (including Lucy, Miss Othmar, and even his grandmother) to no avail! In many cases, Snoopy attempts to take the blanket for himself, snatching it away and dragging Linus throughout the neighborhood. 

⁠

“Of all the things in the strip, I am most proud of Linus’s security blanket. I may not have invented the term, but I like to think that I helped make it a part of our language, I’m sure kids dragged around blankets before Linus appeared—I know mine did—but I’m sure he became the leading practitioner.” —Charles M. Schulz⁠

This Peanuts Sunday comic strip was first published on February 2, 1958.

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term

The answer by one student was so ‘profound’ that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So, which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and consider the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct……leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

Hi Sweetheart, 

I am sorry about getting into an argument about putting up the Christmas lights. I guess that sometimes I feel like you are pushing me too hard when you want something. I realize that I was wrong and I am apologizing for being such a hard-headed guy. All I want is for you to be happy and be able to enjoy the holiday season. Nothing brightens the Christmas spirit like Christmas lights! I took the time to hang the lights for you today; and now I will be off to the hockey rink. 

Again, I am very sorry for the way I acted yesterday. I’ll be home later. 

Love you.. 

Her response –

Hi Honey,

Thank you for that heart-felt apology. I don’t often get an apology from you, and I truly appreciate it. I, too, felt bad about the argument and wanted to apologize. I realize that I can sometimes be a little pushy. I will try to respect your feelings from now on. Thank you for taking the time to hang the Christmas lights for me. It really means a lot. In the spirit of giving, I washed your truck for you; and now I am off to the mall. 

I love you too!

Retirement.  sunshine, convertible.  what else do we need?
DON’T LAUGH, THIS COULD HAPPEN TO YOU.Biker and His Babe……

This is what happens when your kids take away your car keys!!!!!

Finding Serenity – A Classic
This is a little deep for me, but some of you will be able to adapt the concept and achieve your own inner peace…

–Your grandma wore very short miniskirts, thin panties, high boots, and no bra…

–She listened to Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, Janis Joplin, and Rolling Stones.

–She rode on motorcycles and fast cars.

–She smoked tobacco and other things…

–She drank gin-tonics, whiskey, and whatever…

–She came home at 4 am and left for work in the morning…

Know that you will never be as cool as your grandma.

Excuse me but someone had to say it!

Everyone seeks happiness! Not me, though! That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria! — Calvin, from “Calvin & Hobbes,” on expectations

You can’t hurry love or pizza. Especially pizza. — Snoopy, from “Peanuts,” on love

Just remember… if things look hopeless, maybe you’re facing the wrong direction! — Ziggy, from “Ziggy,” on having the right attitude

Learn from yesterday, live for today, look to tomorrow, rest this afternoon. — Charlie Brown, from “Peanuts,” on pacing

Calvin: They say the world is a stage. But obviously the play is unrehearsed and everybody is ad-libbing his lines. Hobbes: Maybe that’s why it’s hard to tell if we’re living in a tragedy or a farce.

Calvin: We need more special effects and dance numbers. — Calvin and Hobbes, from “Calvin & Hobbes,” on the tragicomedy of life

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, ‘What can I do to keep my life from going by so fast?’ Then a voice comes to me that says, “Try slowing down at the corners.” — Charlie Brown, from “Peanuts,” on the speed of life

I say, if your knees aren’t green by the end of the day, you ought to really re-examine your life. — Calvin, from “Calvin & Hobbes,” on finding the joys in life

Life is like a hot bath: It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get. — Garfield the cat, from “Garfield,” on the experience of life and living

The problem with people is that they’re only human. — Hobbes, from “Calvin & Hobbes,” on the limitations of humanity

Most psychiatrists agree that sitting in a pumpkin patch is excellent therapy for a troubled mind. — Linus Van Pelt, from “Peanuts,” on an easy way to clear the mind

They say the best way is just to live one day at a time. If you try to live seven days at a time, the week will be over before you know it. — Sally Brown, from “Peanuts,” on living in the moment