Thought you might find this interesting.  What they didn’t mention in this article is that CBS made the investment years ago to bury all the media cable used to film and broadcast the Masters, so what you don’t see is the unsightly mess of cables laced all over the course as in most tournaments.

Masters Tournament Quirks.

Maybe things you knew about Augusta and maybe some you didn’t. In 1934 Bobby Jones requested the USGA to host the US Open at Augusta. The USGA said no.  Angry at the rebuff. Bobby Jones and Clifford Roberts decided to have their own event, which became the Masters. The Masters is not a Championship of anything.  “You are the winner of the Masters”.  

The Masters is one of the most unusual events in sports. It’s all about tradition, and it’s defined by a set of odd rules and customs that just don’t exist outside of Augusta National. It’s great. We compiled the oddest traditions that make the Masters and Augusta one of a kind. 

Food prices are ridiculously low. 

Tipping is banned. 

Cell phones are prohibited at all times and cameras are not permitted during the tournament. 

It’s one of the only places in the U.S. where there are long lines for payphones. 

There’s a huge fence around the course to keep out animals. There has been one deer sighting in the last 65 years.  

Only four minutes of commercials per hour are allowed during the broadcast and no blimps are allowed. 

TV commentators are not allowed to refer to fans as “fans” or “spectators” They are to be called “patrons,” and the rough is to be referred to as the “second cut.” 

The Masters banned CBS broadcaster Gary McCord in 1995 for saying, “They don’t cut the greens here at Augusta, they use bikini wax.” 

Players had to use local caddies provided by Augusta until 1983. 

Players are allowed to use their own caddies now, but they have to wear the Augusta uniform — green hat, white jumpsuit. 

Like many golf courses, there is good fishing at Augusta National, but the players don’t like to talk about it because it is forbidden.  

In 2011, Monte Burke of Forbes interviewed golfers about the best fishing spots on the PGA Tour . When Augusta was brought up, he described their responses as “squeamish” and they only admitted to hearing there were some good spots.  A former caddie was willing to tell Burke that the best spots are the creek in front of the 12th hole (“full of bream”; seen above) and the pond at the 16th hole (“brimming with bass”). 

Fans, oops, we mean patrons, aren’t allowed to wear their hats backwards.

Patrons can bring collapsible chairs to sit on, but those chairs are not allowed to have armrests. 

Running is not allowed, unless you are a player. 

Grounds crew members used to wear hard hats. 

There is an odd myth that the grounds crew at Augusta packs the azalea plants with ice if spring comes early. The idea is that this will keep the plants from flowering too soon before the tournament. 

There is a house located in the middle of the Augusta National parking lot because the owners refuse to sell it. The family has reportedly turned down “millions.” 

You can’t apply to become a member at Augusta.  It’s nearly impossible to become a member at Augusta.  You have to be nominated by a current Augusta member, and new initiations generally aren’t accepted unless someone quits or dies. The total membership hovers around 300. 

Augusta is closed in the summer to keep the course in pristine shape.  Even the press conference podium is immaculate. 

Players are given a brand-new Mercedes for use during the week. 

Golf cart drivers who are hired to drive the players around Augusta National also pick up the golfers at the airport in the Mercedes they will be using. The cars also have a number in the back window so that employees can always identify the players by which car they are in. 

You can go to jail for selling tickets.  Twenty-four people were arrested outside Augusta in 2012 for trying to scalp tickets. The course is insane about who it lets into the tournament and it’s illegal to sell tickets within 2,700 feet of the gates. 

You can only ask for autographs in one part of the course.  Fans always line the ropes at big tournaments in hopes of getting a signature. But this is tougher to do at Augusta. You can only try and solicit an autograph on the Washington Roadside of the clubhouse, near the practice facilities. 

The bunkers at Augusta are filled with mining waste.  You know those pristine white bunkers? They’re actually composed of waste product from the mining of aluminum, according to Golf.com Basically, there’s a company that mines feldspar (rocks) for aluminum. This process produces waste in the form of really bright, pure quartz and that’s what Augusta uses.

It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Wickenburg, AZ

Fighting for peace is a oxymoron.
The Bayou, Baton Rouge, LA

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap.
Men’ s Room Linda’s Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, NC

Make love, not war. Hell, do both…GET MARRIED!
Women’s restroom, The Filling Station, Bozeman, MT

If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
Revolution Books, New York, New York

If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Congress!
Men’s restroom House of Representatives, Washington, DC

Express Lane: Five beers or less.
Sign over one of the urinals Ed Debevic’s, Phoenix, AZ

You’re too good for him.
Sign over mirror in Women’s restroom, Ed Debevic’s, Beverly Hills, CA

No wonder you always go home alone.
Sign over mirror in Men’s restroom, Ed Debevic’s, Beverly Hills, CA

~~ and perhaps the most realistic one ~~

A Woman’s Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you’re going to have trouble with it.
Women’s restroom, Dick’s Last Resort, Dallas, TX

A corollary to the above. 

If it’s got tits or tires, you’re gonna have problems with it.
From a retired pilot.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

______________________________ __

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die…

_____________________________

 …AND MY FAVORITE

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next.”

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

_____________________________

Who says you can’t have it all. The two pictures below were taken, today April 4th in Plymouth Minnesota, at 1:00 pm. The temperature was in the low thirties and a small thunderstorm came through. Lighting, thunder and the precipitation in the pictures is not snow it is HAIL.

Golf balls are like eggs – they’re white, they’re sold by the dozen,
and a week later you have to buy more.

It’s amazing how a golfer who never helps with house or yard work
will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.

Did you ever notice that it’s a lot easier to get up at 6:00 a.m. to
play golf than at 10:00 to go to church?

It takes longer to become good at golf than it does brain surgery.
On the other hand, you seldom get to ride around in a cart, drink
beer and eat hot dogs while performing brain surgery.

A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.

A good golf partner is one who’s slightly worse than you.

The rake is always in the other trap.

If there’s a storm rolling in, you’ll be having the game of your life.

If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight.

Golf appeals to the child in all of us. This is proven by our frequent inability to count past the number 5.

It’s easy to keep your ball in the fairway, if you don’t care which fairway.

If profanity had any influence on the flight of a ball, most everyone
would play better.

The greatest sound in golf is the “Whoosh, Whoosh, Whoosh” of your opponent’s club as he hurls it across the fairway.

A recent survey shows that of all jobs, caddies live the longest. They get plenty of fresh air and exercise, and if there’s ever a medical emergency, a doctor is always nearby.

It’s difficult to decide which is more stressful – hitting 3 off the
tee or lining up your 4th putt.

With practice and strength training you can easily get more distance off your shank.

The only sure way to get a par is to leave a 4 foot birdie putt 2
inches from the hole.

Nothing straightens out a nasty slice like a sharp dogleg to the right.

Golden Rule: Never wash your ball on the tee of a water hole.

No matter how badly you are playing, it’s always possible to get worse.

I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite.

I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth.  I tried this a few more times with no success.

All the while, my wife May is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.

She opens the window and yelled to me, ‘You need a piece of tail.’

I turned with a confused look on my face and said, ‘Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.’

I mowed the lawn today. Then I sat down, took a break and had a cold beer.

The day was really quite beautiful and the suds inspired me to some deep thinking.

My wife came outside for a moment and asked what I was doing. “Nothing,” I answered.

She then said, “That’s what you did yesterday” to which I replied, “I wasn’t done.”

The reason I said “nothing” instead of saying “just thinking” is because she then would have asked, “About what?”

At that point, I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics. Had I said that, it would have led to other questions.

Alone again, I pondered an age-old question:

Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts. But how would they know?

Well, after another ice-cold beer and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the final answer to that question.

I am now certain that getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby.

This is the reason I reached that conclusion: A year or so after giving birth, a young woman will often say: “It might be nice to have another child.”

On the other hand, I bet you never heard a guy say: “You know, I think I would like to get kicked in the nuts.”

Time for another beer and then maybe a nap.

Newfoundlanders Fire Ins. For Wooden Leg.

A man and his wife moved back home to Newfoundland , from Vancouver. (Canada)

The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in BC was $2000.00 a year!

When they arrived in Newfoundland , they went to an Insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg.

The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple, ‘$39.00.’

The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in Newfoundland to insure, because it cost him $2000.00 in BC!

The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, ‘Well, here it is on the screen, it says:

*Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is $39.00.*’

I always did find the Newfoundland Logic far superior to most others

SUNDAY
Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Switzerland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat’s milk was used.  She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.

“These,” she explained, “are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.”  She then asked, “What do you do in America with your old goats?”

A spry old gentleman answered, “They send us on bus tours!”

MONDAY
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion.  He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.

The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying, “Oh Mom! You don’t have to worry about that!  I’m dating Susan!”

TUESDAY
A man went to church one day and afterward, he stopped to shake the preacher’s hand.  He said, “Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon.   Damned good!”

The preacher said, “Thank you sir, but I’d rather you didn’t use profanity.”

The man said, “I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!”

The preacher said, “No shit?”

WEDNESDAY
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.   With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, “Just feed him pancakes.  That should solve the problem.”

The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table

“Gee, Mom,” he exclaimed, “for me?”

“Just take two,” Brenda replied.  “The rest are for your father”

THURSDAY
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman.  She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th-floor apartment, killing him instantly.

Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.

“Your Honour,” she began coolly, “I figured that at 92 if he could screw, he could fly.”

FRIDAY
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa …“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

Red meat is awful.  Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.  Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High-fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.  However, there is one thing that’s the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, “Wedding Cake.”

SATURDAY
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all aghast.  At their very first chance, they corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?”  Bob replied, “Girlfriend?  She’s my wife!”  They’re knocked over, but continue to ask:  “So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?”  “I lied about my age,” Bob replied.  “What?  Did you tell her you were only 50?”

Bob smiled and said, “No, I told her I was 90.”