First-class service on United’s DC-8 (the 1970s)

Believe it or not, this is economy class seating on Pan Am 747 in the ‘60’s ….

Given the current state of air travel – even discounting the recent boondoggle – these photos are only a memory for some and a wish for a return.

A unique perspective…! A reminder that not all children grow up in fortunate circumstances.

When I was a child, my father cheated and didn’t love my family.

Later, my parents divorced.

Soon my mother died in a car accident.

My brother and I could only live in my grandma’s old house.

Grandma’s sister was an alcoholic.

The whole family lived on my grandma’s savings.

Grandma recently died.

My Uncle Andy is barely keeping himself out of jail from day to day.

My brother left home and won’t talk to us anymore.

Dad, now 73, had to go out to work to support the family and eventually he is going to want me to do the same thing.”

Yours sincerely

Prince William

Yep, it’s that time of year again to take our annual senior citizen test.

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it’s important
to keep mentally alert. If you don’t use it, you lose it!

Here is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to your last test. 
Some may think it is too easy, but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty.

Take this test to determine if you’re losing it or not. 

The space below are so you don’t see the answers until you’ve made your answer. 
OK, relax, clear your mind, and begin.

#1. What do you put in a toaster?

Answer: ‘bread.’ If you said ‘toast,’ just give up now, and go do something else.
And, try not to hurt yourself! If you said, bread, go to Question #2.

# 2. Say ‘silk’ five times. Now spell ‘silk.’ What do cows drink?

Answer: Cows drink water. If you said ‘milk,’ don’t attempt the next question. Your brain is already over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading more appropriate literature such as Women’s Weekly or Auto World. However, if you did say ‘water,’ proceed to Question #3.

# 3. If a red house is made from red bricks, and a blue house is made from blue bricks, and a pink house is made from pink bricks, and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?

Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said ‘green bricks,’ why are you still reading this??? PLEASE, go lie down!!! But, if you said ‘glass,’ go on to Question #4.

# 4. It’s twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany .) Anyway, during the flight, two engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of “no man’s land” between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany , West Germany , or no man’s land”?

Answer: You don’t bury survivors.

If you said ANYTHING else, you’re a dunce and you must stop. If you said, “You don’t bury survivors”, proceed to the next question.

# 5. Do not use a calculator for this: 

You are driving a bus from New York City to Philadelphia.
In Staten Island, 17 people got on the bus.
In New Brunswick, 6 people get off the bus, and 9 people get on.
In Windsor, 2 people get off, and 4 get on.
In Trenton, 11 people get off and 16 people get on.
In Bristol, 3 people get off, and 5 people get on.
And, in Camden, 6 people get off, and 3 get on. 
You then arrive at Philadelphia Station. Without going back to review, how old is the bus driver?

Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!!! Don’t you remember your own age?!? It was YOU, driving the bus!!!If you pass this along to your friends, pray that they do better than you.

P.S.: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!!

BEAUTY PARLOR
A place where women curl up and dye.

CHICKENS
The only animal you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

HANDKERCHIEF
Cold Storage.

INFLATION
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO
An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN
A grape with a sunburn.

SECRET
A story you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE
The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW
One of the greatest labour saving devices of today.

YAWN
An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES
Something other people have….similar to my character lines.

OLD
I very quietly confided to my friend that I was having an Affair.
She turned to me and asked, “Are you having it catered?”
. . . and that, my friend, is the definition of ‘OLD’!!!

Towards the end of a round of golf, Dave hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty, yellow buttercups. 

Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.

All of a sudden? POOF!!

In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.

She said, ‘I’m Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for doing what you have done, you won’t have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life… better still, you won’t have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life… As a matter of fact, you’ll never have any butter for anything for the rest of your life!!!’

Then POOF!… she was gone!

After Dave recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, ‘Fred, where are you?’

Fred yells back ‘I’m over here in the pussy willows.’

Dave shouts back, ‘DON’T SWING, Fred!’ FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON’T SWING!!!’

When four of Santa’s elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, ‘Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?’

And thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Not very many people know this.

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.

The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.

The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital. 

A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen. 

She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.  “Do you have health insurance?” she asked.

He replied in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”

The nun asked, “Do you have money in the bank?”

He replied, “No money in the bank.”

Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?” asked the irritated nun.HN

He said, “I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun.”

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, “Nuns are not spinsters!

Nuns are married to God.”

The patient replied, “Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law.”