Just in case ya didn’t know…

Minnesota became the 32nd state on May 11, 1858 and was originally settled by a lost tribe of Norwegians seeking refuge from the searing heat of Wisconsin ‘s winters.

Minnesota gets it’s name from the Sioux Indian word “mah-nee-soo-tah,” meaning, “No, really… They eat fish soaked in lye.”

The state song of Minnesota is “Someday the Vikings will… Aw, never mind.”

The Mall of America in Bloomington , Minnesota covers 9.5 million square feet and has enough space to hold 185,000 idiot teenagers yapping away on cell phones.

Madison, Minnesota is known as “the lutefisk capital of the world.” Avoid this city at all costs.

“The Mary Tyler Moore Show” was set in Minneapolis , Minnesota , and was Mary’s first real acting job since leaving the “Dick van Dyke Show. The show about a single woman’s struggle to find happiness in the big city was originally titled “Life Without Dick,” but that was changed for some reason.

Downtown Minneapolis has an enclosed skyway system covering 52 blocks, allowing people to live, work, eat, and sleep without ever going outside. The only downside to this is that a Norwegian occasionally turns up missing.

Cartoonist Charles M. Shultz was born in Minneapolis , Minnesota and grew up in St. Paul. He was the only artist to accurately depict the perfectly circular heads of Minnesota natives.

The Hormel Company of Austin , Minnesota produces 6 million cans of Spam a year, even though no one actually eats it. Spam is a prized food in Japan & Hawaii–Spam sushi!!

Minnesota license plates are blue & white and contain the phrase “Blizzards on the 4th of July – you get used to it.”

Frank C. Mars, founder of the Mars Candy Co. was born in Newport, Minnesota . His 3 Musketeers candy bar originally contained three bars in one wrapper, each filled with a different flavor of nougat -chocolate, Spam and lutefisk.

Tonka trucks continue to be manufactured in Minnetonka, Minnesota, despite the thousands of GI Joe dolls killed by them annually in rollover accidents. No airbags, no seat belts. These things are deathtraps, I tell ya!

Author Laura Ingalls Wilder was raised at Walnut Grove, Minnesota, and was famous for writing the “Little House” series of books, as well as inventing the “Spam diet” which consists of looking at a plate of Spam until you lose your appetite. Much like the “lutefisk diet”

The snowmobile was invented in Roseau , Minnesota so as to allow families a means of attending 4th of July picnics

Minnesotans are almost indistinguishable from Wisconsinites. The only way to tell them apart is to ask if they voted for Mondale in ’84.

Now… it’s up to you to forward this to all your friends If one of them does not forward it to others, he/she will be given an entrance pin to attend the Eelpout Festival in Walker, MN….in February —

Cold is a relative thing ya know….

At 65 degrees, Arizonans turn on the heat. People in Minnesota plant gardens.

At 60, Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Minnesota sunbathe.

At 50, Italian & English cars won’t start. People in Minnesota drive with the windows down..

At 40, Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats. People in Minnesota throw on a flannel shirt.

At 35, New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Minnesota have the last cookout before it gets cold.

At 20, People in Miami all die. Minnesotans close their windows.

At 0, Californians fly away to Mexico . People in Minnesota get out their winter coats.

At 10 below zero, Hollywood disintegrates. The Girl Scouts in Minnesota are selling cookies door to door.

At 20 below, Washington DC runs out of hot air. (Ya think? Nah.). People in Minnesota let their dogs sleep indoors.

At 30 below, Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Minnesotans get upset because they can’t start the snowmobile.

At 40 below, ALL atomic motion stops. People in Minnesota start saying…”Cold enough for ya, eh?”

At 50 below, heck freezes over. Minnesota public schools will open 2 hours late

 

Garfield has been a fixture of newspaper comic strips since 1978, so it’s probably safe to say the titular lazy, lasagna-loving cat has lived many more than nine lives.

Television not only gives the eyeballs something to do, but it’s a socially acceptable excuse to snack.

You know you’re getting older when your favorite late-night show is the six o’clock news.

Just what is a Monday? Monday is a day designed to add depression to an otherwise happy week.

Life is a lot like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it. But the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get.

All I ever do is eat and sleep, eat and sleep, eat and sleep. There must be more to a cat’s life than that. But, I hope not.

If I ignore the world, maybe it will go away … Except for the lasagna.

Never confuse being lazy for being apathetic. We lazy people are not apathetic. Apathetic people don’t care about anything. Lazy people care, we just don’t do anything about it.

I’d like mornings better if they started later.

The only thing active about me is my imagination.

I wish there were something I could do about the aging process. I’d do sit-ups, but I couldn’t stand the noise.

A goldfish is an aquatic expression of beauty and grace that provides its observers with many hours of blissful meditation. It also makes a darn fine breakfast.

When the lasagna content in my blood gets low, I get mean.

I’m not always right, but I’m never wrong.

Aphorisms are among the oldest — and shortest — literary art forms. They tend to be concise statements or phrases that offer advice or insight in easy-to-remember nuggets that can be applied to a variety of situations.

Life is made up of marble and mud. 
Nathaniel Hawthorne

It is not length of life, but depth of life. 
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced. 
James Baldwin

Nothing in life is to be feared; it is only to be understood. 
Marie Curie

He that would live in peace and at ease, must not speak all he knows or judge all he sees. 
Benjamin Franklin

Life is short, art long, occasion brief, experience fallacious, judgment difficult. 
Hippocrates

Tell me who admires and loves you, and I will tell you who you are. 
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

We are always the same age inside. 
Gertrude Stein

The act of dying is one of the acts of life. 
Marcus Aurelius

History, like beauty, depends largely on the beholder. 
Desmond Tutu

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. 
widely attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. 
Oscar Wilde

There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in. 
Leonard Cohen

Brevity is the soul of wit. 
William Shakespeare

Travel is fatal to prejudice. 
Mark Twain

Dorothy Parker was an American poet, literary critic and writer of fiction, plays and screenplays based in New York; she was known for her caustic wisecracks, and eye for 20th-century urban foibles. Parker rose to acclaim, both for her literary works published in magazines, such as The New Yorker, and as a founding member of the Algonquin Round Table.

There’s a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words. 

Interview with “The Paris Review,” 1956

 

That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment. 

“The New Yorker,” 1929

 

Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. 

“The New Yorker,” 1928

 

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires. 

Quoted in “Dorothy Parker: In Her Own Words,” 2004

 

You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think. 

Parker’s response when asked to use the word “horticulture” in a sentence during a game

 

Four be the things I’d been better without: / Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt. 

“Inventory,” 1937

 

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. 

Widely attributed to Parker, though the origin is unknown

 

They sicken of the calm, who knew the storm. 

“New York World,” 1928

 

Scratch a lover, and find a foe. 

“Ballade of a Great Weariness,” 1937

 

Excuse my dust. 

Another suggested epitaph for herself, “Vanity Fair,” 1925

 

No man goes before his time — unless the boss leaves early.
Groucho Marx

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”
Dave Barry

I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
Jerome K. Jerome

What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
Phyllis Diller

Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.
Doug Larson

I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hardly working.
Michael Scott (Steve Carell) in “The Office”