Day Brightener – Ponderisms & Trueisms, A Light-Hearted Look At Life

Why do peanuts float in a regular coke and sink in a diet coke. Go ahead and try it…..

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to “put your two cents in”… but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going?   (taxes)

Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change??? They’re going to see you naked anyway.

Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

How did the man who made the first clock, know what time it was?

Friday Frivolity – Another Few Things To Wrap Your Head Around!

You know you’re over 50 when you have ‘upstairs ibuprofen’ and ‘downstairs ibuprofen.’

 If only vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

I woke up this morning determined to drink less, eat right, and exercise. But that was four hours ago when I was younger and full of hope.

Anyone who says their wedding was the best day of their life has clearly never had two candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine.

We live in a time where intelligent people are silenced so that stupid people won’t be offended.

The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have begun asking humans to prove they aren’t a robot.

When a kid says “Daddy, I want mommy” that’s the kid version of “I’d like to speak to your supervisor.”

If Adam and Eve were Cajuns they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple and saved us all a lot of trouble.

We celebrated last night with a couple of adult beverages …… Metamucil and Ensure.

Weight loss goal: To be able to clip my toenails and breathe at the same time.

Some of my friends exercise every day.  Meanwhile I am watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.

For those of you that don’t want Alexa or Siri listening in on your conversation, they are making a male version…. it doesn’t listen to anything.

I just got a present labeled, ‘From Mom and Dad,’ and I know darn well that Dad has no idea what’s inside.

The pessimist complains about the wind.   The optimist expects it to change.  The realist adjusts his sails.

There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will find this funny.

Reading gives us someplace to go when we have to stay where we are.

I have many hidden talents. I just wish I could remember where I hid them.

My idea of a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself.

Exercise helps you with decision-making. It’s true.  I went for a run this morning and decided I’m never going again.

Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt.