This is where it all began. The Fertile Crescent. The cradle of civilization.

For the first 190,000 years or so of human existence, we roved about in small hunter-gatherer bands, eking out a subsistence living day to day, constantly in fear of predators and of other humans. But about 10,000 years ago, in the Mesopotamian area between the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers in what is now Iraq, some people decided to stay put. It is impossible to overstate the importance of that decision.

In the Fertile Crescent an agriculturally-based society arose. Rather than wandering around searching for food in a constant state of conflict, humans began to plant seeds and grow their own crops. To store it they began building structures. To protect it they banded together in cooperation and mutual defense. Whereas before human societies were typically limited to a few dozen people, now villages arose—then towns, then cities. And humanity flourished.

Here, in these early settlements in the Fertile Crescent, humans first developed written language (probably to keep track of accounts). They domesticated animals. They invented the wheel, the plow, and multi-story architecture. Monotheistic religion arose. By about 2500 B.C. the first libraries were created. The things that we think of as characterizing “civilization” began here.

A few thousand years ago people from the Fertile Crescent fanned out into Europe and Asia, taking with them the knowledge accumulated there. And seeds and farm animals. The rest is history.

Of course, it wasn’t all pretty. We were still humans after all. Although social cooperation emerged on a scale that would have been previously unimaginable, violence and what we would now regard as superstition and injustice remained. But in the Fertile Crescent humans had taken an immensely important first step toward the flowering of the incredible civilization we enjoy today.

1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, ‘Mom, that lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!’

2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, ‘The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.

3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. ‘Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle’

4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, ‘What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?’

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, ‘Are you a cop? ‘Yes,’ I answered and continued writing the report.  ‘My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?’ ‘Yes, that’s right,’ I told her. ‘Well, then,’ she said as she extended her foot toward me, ‘would you please tie my shoe?’

6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. ‘Is that a dog you got back there?’ he asked.

‘It sure is,’ I replied.

Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, ‘What’d he do?’

7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs… One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, ‘The tooth fairy will never believe this!’

8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, ‘Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.”And why not, darling?”You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.’

9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cottonwool, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.

The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: ‘Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.’ (I want this line used at my funeral!)

10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. ‘I’m just wasting my time,’ she said to her mother. ‘I can’t read, I can’t write, and they won’t let me talk!’

11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.

‘Mama, look what I found,’ the boy called out.

‘What have you got there, dear?’

With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, ‘I think it’s Adam’s underwear!’

NOW IF THIS DIDN’T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT

A Sign In A Shoe Repair Store:
We will heel you
We will save your sole
We will even dye for you.

Sign Over A Gynecologist’s Office:
“Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”

In a Podiatrist’s office:
“Time wounds all heels.”

On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels

At an Optometrist’s Office:
“If you don’t see what you’re looking for, You’ve come to the right place.”

On a Plumber’s truck:
“We repair what your husband fixed.”

On another Plumber’s truck:
“Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”

At a Tire Shop
“Invite us to your next blowout.”

On an Electrician’s truck:
“Let us remove your shorts.”

In a Non-smoking Area:
“If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action.”

On a Maternity Room door:
“Push. Push. Push.”

At a Car Dealership:
“The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.”

Outside a Muffler Shop:
No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.

In A Veterinarian’s Waiting Room:
“Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”.

At the Electric Company:
“We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don’t, YOU will be de-lighted.”.

In a Restaurant window:
“Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”.

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
“Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”.

At a Propane Filling Station:
“Thank Heaven for little grills.”.

In a Radiator Shop:
“Best place in town to take a leak.”.

And the best one for last….

Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
“Caution – This Truck is full of Political Promises”

1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. — John Adams

2. If you don’t read the newspaper, you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. — Mark Twain

3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself. — Mark Twain

4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. –Winston Churchill

5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. — George Bernard Shaw

6. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. — G. Gordon Liddy

7. Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. –James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)

8. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. — Douglas Case, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University.

9. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. — P.J. O’Rourke, Civil Libertarian

10. Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. — Frederic Bastiat , French economist(1801-1850)

11. Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. –Ronald Reagan (1986)

12. I don’t make jokes.   I just watch the government and report the facts. — Will Rogers

13. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it’s free! — P. J. O’Rourke

14. In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. –Voltaire (1764)

15. Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn’t mean politics won’t take an interest in you! — Pericles (430 B.C.)

16. No man’s life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. — Mark Twain (1866)

17. Talk is cheap, except when Congress does it. — Anonymous

18. The government is like a baby’s alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. — Ronald Reagan

19. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. — Winston Churchill

20. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. —   Mark Twain

21. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. — Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)

22. There is no distinctly Native American criminal class, save Congress. — Mark Twain

23. What this country needs are more unemployed politicians –Edward Langley, Artist (1928-1995)

24. A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. — Thomas Jefferson

25. We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. — Aesop

The number seven’s repeated appearance in the depictions of seven serpents and seven stars in diverse ancient cultures sparks curiosity about its shared significance. Across various civilizations like Mesopotamia, India, and Egypt, astronomical knowledge linked the number seven to the observable planets – Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn. Moreover, mythological and religious contexts attribute a mystical aura to seven, as seen in Hindu mentions of seven worlds and Mesopotamian gods’ planetary connections. Symbolically, seven often signifies wholeness or perfection, potentially influenced by the cyclic nature of natural phenomena such as the lunar phases. Through cultural interactions like trade and migration, the symbolism of seven spread and integrated into different societies, offering a plausible explanation for its consistent presence. Serpents and stars accompanying the number seven likely carried specific meanings like fertility, rebirth, spiritual realms, or cosmic influence. The prevalence of seven in ancient depictions likely stems from its practical observance in nature and its deeper mythological implications, blending scientific understanding with symbolic interpretations.

You are going to love this one!

My name is Alice.

I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.

I noticed his DDS diploma on the wall, which bore his full name. 

Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago.

Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought.

This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he examined my teeth, i asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.

“Yes. Yes, I did. I’m a mustang,” he gleamed with pride.

“When did you graduate?” i asked.

He answered, “in 1975. Why do you ask?”

“You were in my class!” i exclaimed.

He looked at me closely.

Then, that ugly,

Old,

Bald,

Wrinkled faced,

Fat-assed,

Gray-haired,

Decrepit,

Son-of-a-bitch

Asked,

“What subject did you teach?”