Day Brightener – Signs Of Maturity

MaturityI changed my car horn to sound like gunshots. People get out of the way much faster now.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers; now they drink like their fathers.

I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes 5 years in a row.

I decided to change calling the bathroom “the John” and renamed it “the Jim.”  I feel so much better saying I went to “the Jim” this morning

Old age is coming at a really bad time.

When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is…”I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”

I don’t have gray hair; I have “wisdom highlights.”  I’m just very wise.

Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet.

Why do I have to press 1 for English, when you’re just going to transfer me, to someone I can’t understand anyway?

Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.

At my age “Getting Lucky” means walking into a room and remembering why I am there.

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