Day Brightener – Paraprosdokians – A Figure Of Speech Oftentimes Very Humorous

FrogThe following are called paraprosdokians. A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected and oftentimes very humorous:

  • If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
  • I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they’re flashing behind you.
  • Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
  • Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  • I’m great at multi-tasking–I  can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
  • If  you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
  • Take my advice — I’m not using it.
  • My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.
  • Hospitality  is the art of making guests feel like they’re at home when you wish they were.
  • Behind  every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
  • Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
  • Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
  • He who laughs last thinks slowest.
  • Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
  • Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
  • I  was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
  • Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  • I  was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn’t find it.
  • If  at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
  • If  tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
  • Money is the root of all wealth.
  • No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

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