Day Brightener – A Few Vignettes That Should Provide Some Chuckles

fishingEarl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing tobacco, and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says: “Think I’m gonna divorce the wife – she ain’t spoke to me in over 2 months.

Earl spits overboard, takes a long slow sip of beer and says “Better think it over – women like that are hard to find.”

mattisMarine General and Defense Secretary-designate James “Mad Dog” Mattis has a huge bear rug lying in his living room. “The thing is that the bear isn’t dead – he’s just afraid to move.”

BrideA buddy of mine has two tickets for the 2017 Super Bowl Game in Houston.  He has a luxury suite reserved at the stadium, plus airline tickets valid from any US airport, a hotel suite, and tickets to attend two pre-game parties.  

However, he somehow failed to realize that the game is scheduled for the same day as his wedding.  So he can’t go.

If you’re interested, and if you’d like to go, instead of him, it’s at St. Peter’s Church, in New York City, at 5:00 pm. Her name is Louise.  She’s 5’4″, about 125 lbs., a good cook and makes $180,000 a year as a stockbroker. She’ll be the one in the white dress.

Let me know if you are interested.

sailorGraham, an old retired sailor, puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more, for old times sake and some hot sex. He engages a lovely prostitute and takes her up to a room. 

He’s soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, ‘How am I doing?’ 

The prostitute replies, ‘Well Graham, ya old sailor, you’re doing about three knots.’ 

‘Three knots?’ he asks. ‘ What’s that supposed to mean?’ 

She says, ‘You’re knot hard, you’re knot in, and you’re knot getting your money back.’

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