‘Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write, what ye put yer old Mother through?’
The girl, crying, replied, ‘Well … you see, Daddy …. I became a prostitute.’
‘Ye what!? Leave here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to your devout Catholic family..’
‘OK, Daddy … as ye wish. I only came back to give mum this fur coat, the deeds to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a savings certificate for £5 million. And for me little brother, God bless his little hearts, I’ve brought this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, I’ve got ye the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside plus a membership to the country club … (takes a breath) … and an invitation for all of ye to spend New Year’s Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.’
‘What was it ye said ye had become?’ says Dad.
Girl, crying again, ‘A prostitute, Daddy!’
‘Oh! My Goodness! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant! Come here and give ye old Dad a hug!’