I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently, a turban, beard, and a backpack weren’t what they had in mind.
After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, John woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That’s when he realized he had made it home safely.
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Para-Olympics after they tested positive for WD40.
A teenage boy asks his granny: “Have you seen my pills? They were labeled LSD?” Granny replies: “To hell with your pills, did you see the dragons in the kitchen?”
Wife gets naked and asks hubby: “What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?” Hubby looks her up and down and replies: “Your sense of humor!”
A chap’s wife’s back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all he did was suggest they should hold auditions for her part.
I’ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
I woke up this morning at 11:30 , and could sense something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonalds now serve breakfast all day.
My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door. She screamed: “I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!” I replied: “OH, so now you want me to stay!”
Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. When we went to the fair last night it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I’d slept with. I told her: “Only you. The others kept me awake all night!”