Day Brightener – More One-Liners To Get The Day Going

  • Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
  • When I married Mr. Right, I had no idea his first name was Always.
  • My wife got 8 out 10 on her driver’s test–the other two guys managed to jump out of her way.
  • There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
  • Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
  • Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
  • He who laughs last thinks slowest.
  • Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
  • Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
  • I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
  • Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  • The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have mow it.
  • I like long walks, especially when they’re taken by people who annoy me.
  • I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn’t find it.
  • If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
  • Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
  • If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
  • Money is the root of all wealth.
  • No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

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