Day Brightener – Some Good “One-Liners”

I cut my drinking in half by eliminating the orange juice in my screwdrivers.

One spelling mistake can destroy your life. Husband sent a message to his wife: “I’m having a wonderful time. Wish you were her.

I’m not saying she was stupid, but I asked her to spell Mississippi and she said, ‘The river or the state?”

If I wanted your opinion, I would have married you.

It’s a shame that 99.9 percent of politicians give the rest a bad name.

Good grammar skills is something in which I excel in.

I thought I finally found my groove. Turns out, it’s a rut.

I don’t remember the words ‘anything you say can and will be used against you’ being in my marriage vows.

But you must believe in free will. You have no choice.

So, I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up and said: ‘Who’s speaking, please? And a voice said, ‘You are.”

I like using Latin phrases when speaking in English and vice versa.

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

Little Jimmy says to his mom, ‘When I grow up I want to be a man.’ Mom says, ‘Don’t be silly, you can’t do both.’

How many teenage girls does it take to change a light bulb? Eleven: one to change the light bulb and ten to take photos to put on Facebook.

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