A Texas state trooper pulled a car over on I-35 about 2 miles south of Waco. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was … a magician and juggler and was on his way to Austin to do a show for the Shrine Circus. He didn’t want to be late.

The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn’t give him a ticket. He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn’t have anything to juggle.

The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him.

While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the State Troopers car.  A drunken good old boy from central Texas got out, watched the performance, then went over to the trooper’s car, opened the rear door and got in. The trooper observed him and went over to the State car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, “You might as well take my ass to jail, ‘cause there ain’t no way in Hell I can pass that test.”

Two Norwegians are drinking in a bar.  One says, “Did you know that Elks have sex 10 to 15 times a day?”

“Aww, Shit,” says his friend, “and I just joined the Knights of Columbus !”