Some of these are too close to home to be funny.
#1 – Talk to yourself. There are times you need expert advice
#2 – “In Style” are the clothes that still fit.
#3 – You don’t need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off.
#4 – Your people skills are just fine. It’s your tolerance for idiots that needs work.
#5 – The biggest lie you tell yourself is, “I don’t need to write that down. I’ll remember it.”
#6 – “On time” is when you get there.
#7 – Even duct tape can’t fix stupid – but it sure does muffle the sound.
#8 – It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?
#9 – Lately, you’ve noticed people your age are so much older than you.
#10 – Growing old should have taken longer.
#11 – Aging has slowed you down, but it hasn’t shut you up.
#12 – You still haven’t learned to act your age, and hope you never will.
And one more:
“One for the road” means peeing before you leave the house.