I am starting to understand why pets try to run out of the house when the door opens.
Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands???
Day 7 at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture.”
Homeschooling question: Does having your children fix you mixed cocktails count as a chemistry lesson? (Sorry, I’m new at this) 😊
Where’s your husband?. In the garden….I didn’t see him….You just need to dig a little.
You know if you keep a glass of wine in each hand you can’t accidentally touch your face.
My Mom always told me I wouldn’t accomplish anything by laying in the bed all day but look at me now! I’m saving the world!
Is possible to make a meal out of oatmeal chocolate and chili
If you get an email with the subject “Knock Knock” don’t open it. It’s a Jehovah’s Witness working from home.
In the last 20 days of lockdown, I have seen all 54 movies John Wayne made
I had for years thought my mail lady was a bit homely. She is getting better looking every day.
I swear my fridge just said: “what the hell do you want now?”
Coronavirus has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We’re told “no” if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.
I have a bunch of ballpoint pens for something to do I counted them. Counted them 3 times, got 3 different answers. They average 53, I’m going with that.
If anyone owes you money, go to their house now. They should be home.
There are 4 feet 3 1/2 inches of toothpaste in a new tube.
Washing a car 3 days in a row will not make it any shinier
If you drive by my house and 3 kids are standing in the yard, they are expelled from home school
Homeschooling Day #3: they all graduated. #Done.
For something to do I just washed two loads of clean cloths
I’m giving up drinking for a month. Sorry, punctuation typo. I’m giving up. Drinking for a month.
You cannot ripen green bananas in a microwave
Never before have I wished my mother-in-law would come to visit.
My neighbors are thinking polishing my gutters is a bit strange.
The porno channel crashed from too many users.
I’m a light drinker. Sunrise was 6:35 this morning
I wonder if Amazon has cyanide and can I get free shipping
Stay well my friend