During the banquet celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, Tom, the husband, was asked to give a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. “Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?”
Tom responded, “Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness — and a great many other qualities you wouldn’t have needed if you’d stayed single.”
A neighbor tells his friend, “Close your curtains the next time you’re screwing your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.”
His friend, who is not the sharpest tool in the shed, replied, “Well the joke’s on them because I wasn’t even home yesterday.”
How do you keep your husband from reading your emails?
Rename the mail folder “Instruction manuals.”
A newly married couple were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was big and burly, tossed his pants to his wife and said, “Here, put these on.”
She caught them and put them on. She said, “I can’t wear your pants!”
“That’s right,” her hubby answered, “and don’t you forget it. I’m the man who wears the pants in this family.”
At that, his wife flipped him her panties. “Try these on,” she said.
He tried them on and could only get them up to his kneecaps. “Hell, I can’t get in your panties,” he said.
“That’s right,” his wife replied, “and that’s the way it is going to be until your attitude changes!”