These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:

• FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.  8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!
• FREE PUPPIES  1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.
• FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
• COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.   Also 1 gay bull for sale.
• JOINING NUDIST COLONY! – Must sell washer and dryer £100.
• WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.  Worn once by mistake. – Call Stephanie.
• FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

Statement of the Century – Thought from the greatest living Scottish thinker–Billy Connolly. “If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time?”