Day Brightener – Top Things That You Will Never Hear Southern Boys Say

  • HillbillyWhen I retire, I’m movin’ north.
  • Oh I wouldn’t dare; she’s only sixteen……..
  • I’ll take Shakespeare for $1000, Alex.
  • Duct tape won’t fix that.
  • Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken with a slice of lime.
  • We don’t keep no guns in this house.
  • You can’t feed that to the dog.
  • No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.
  • Wrestling is fake.
  • We’re vegetarians.
  • Do you think my gut is too big?
  • I’ll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits, grits, and gravy.
  • Honey, we don’t need another dog.
  • Who gives a sh** who won the Civil War?
  • Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
  • Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
  • I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
  • Trim the fat off that steak.
  • Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
  • The tires on that truck are too damn big.
  • Y’ve got it all on the C: DRIVE.
  • Unsweetened tea tastes better.
  • My fiancée, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.
  • I’ve got two cases of Zima iced down for the Super Bowl.
  • Checkmate!
  • She’s too young to be wearing that bikini.
  • Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen.
  • I don’t have a favorite football team.
  • Youse Guys.
  • Those cutoffs ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.


  • Nope, no more beer for me. I’m driving a whole busload of us down to help in the (Insert Your Favorite or Unfavorite) Campaign.

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