• When I retire, I’m movin’ north.
• Oh I wouldn’t dare; she’s only sixteen……..
• I’ll take Shakespeare for $1000, Alex.
• Duct tape won’t fix that.
• Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken with a slice of lime.
• We don’t keep no guns in this house.
• You can’t feed that to the dog.
• No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.
• Wrestling is fake.
• We’re vegetarians.
• Do you think my gut is too big?
• I’ll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits, grits, and gravy.
• Honey, we don’t need another dog.
• Who gives a sh** who won the Civil War?
• Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
• Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
• I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
• Trim the fat off that steak.
• Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
• The tires on that truck are too damn big.
• Y’ve got it all on the C: DRIVE.
• Unsweetened tea tastes better.
• My fiancée, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.
• I’ve got two cases of Zima iced down for the Super Bowl.
• Checkmate!
• She’s too young to be wearing that bikini.
• Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen.
• I don’t have a favorite football team.
• Youse Guys.
• Those cutoffs ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.

AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY!

• Nope, no more beer for me. I’m driving a whole busload of us down to help in the (Insert Your Favorite or Unfavorite) Campaign.